


Search Your Feelings

by AlexaQuinn



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Neck Kissing, Non-Graphic Self-Harm, Sassy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-04-14 12:26:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14136018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexaQuinn/pseuds/AlexaQuinn
Summary: 10 days after The Battle of Crait and Rey and Kylo find out their Force Bond isn't gone. Rey has to take matter to her own hands and leaves The Resistance.Kylo/Ben has a handful going on with the First Order with a potential mutiny...Fluffiness in the beginning of story with obvious Smuttiness later on...Force Ghosts are here to help, sorta.





	1. After Ten Days

                                                                                                         After Ten Days

  
Kylo Ren was sitting at his desk in his quarters when a familiar ripple signaled a bond interaction was going to start. His surroundings changed from the murky, dim lighting of the Finalizer to a colorful sunset of a planet he couldn’t pin point. He scanned the view and noticed her right away. She looked relaxed sitting on the edge of the river bank with her feet inside the water splashing away. She dimpled as she closed her eyes letting the sun touch her cheeks.

He could’ve just watched her like this until the Force stole him away. Instead, Rey turned to his direction where he stood underneath a tree and raised her eyebrow.

“How long have you been here for?” Her face lost all of the joy she had earlier. Replaced with wariness.

He slowly made his way to her. This was the first time he’s seen her since she closed the door on him back on Crait. He didn’t recall had long it had been; all the days blend into one since then. He looked down at her as he stood on the other side of the river.

“Not long.” He still had no idea how to control his feelings whenever she was around. He was trying to stay calm and not let his whirlwind of emotions take over.

“Are you enjoying being Supreme Leader, Kylo? Is it all you wanted it to be?” she asked not making eye contact

“You would be able to know if you would’ve joined me…” he replied sarcastically. If he were to be honest with himself he didn’t know what he was doing with The First Order. He actually didn’t have any intentions on becoming Supreme Leader….it just happened. The sting of her once again rejecting his offer was still there but he pushed it aside. He didn’t want to go through this with her.

She looked straight at him and glared; “You know that I would never join the dark side.”

It was Kylo’s turn to raise his eyebrow; “ I didn’t offer to teach you the dark side, I offered you the first time to teach you the way of the force and secondly I said we could establish a New Order. No sides.” Realization dawned on him as to why she was so quick to reject him on both occasions. She had made the assumption that he would turn her dark when that was the furthest from the truth. His intentions were actually honorable. Which is why he still didn’t understand why she ran from him.

Rey’s face turned thoughtful and then nodded. ‘You’re right.”

Kylo was shocked to hear her say it. He looked away from her questioning stare and looked at the grassy hills. He so desperately wanted to extend the invitation again to her with his intentions clear but he knew that she would reject him. Again. And this time he couldn’t blame her. Now that he was Supreme Leader he was lost as to how to proceed. Right now the First Order was recovering from the massive loss they endured from their past battles from the Resistance.

“Hux is basically running the show right now.” He mumbled.

There was an emotion on her face that he didn’t want to see. The one of pity. He took a few steps back from her. He could take anything from her but not that look she was giving him. He looked away from her and was about to turn around and walk away from her when she called his name.

“Ben!”

He was reluctant to look at her face and instead looked at her shoulder. He so desperately wanted the bond to close now but of course it didn’t.

“Are you okay? Will you be ok? You know you can always come back your mom misses you!” At the mention of his mother he looked at her. Through their bond he could feel strands of sympathy laced with …compassion.

He really looked at her for the first time and took in every detail. She had her hair in her three buns, her build still looked strong. But what he really wanted to store in his memory was the current color of her eyes. He knew they were hazel but they shifted color. Currently they were the shade of melted gold. Those eyes…

And with that he turned around and walked away hoping the force would take pity on him and take him away from here and Rey.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`

Rey had come out of the ‘fresher and was entering her room getting ready to get some sleep. She placed her towel down by the small window and grabbed her hair brush. She wandered towards her bed and sat there staring at the wall.

Her and the remaining members of the Resistance jumped from one location to another for the past 10 days. She stopped asking where they were after the first two times. She no longer was piloting the Falcon and let Poe and Chewie take care of it since there were so many pilots on board it didn’t matter who piloted it.

She did have to admit though, there was another reason why she let herself become slightly detached from the Resistance. Since her last encounter with…Kylo while they were evacuating on Crait it dawned on her that she still had this connection with him. To make it worse she didn’t know when the connection would physically connect them. Clearly Snoke didn't do this that much was certain. She didn’t know much about the force but even she knew that if he was indeed responsible for this it would’ve ended with his death.

No, this was something else. And since she didn’t know what it was and how it worked that meant that she was a liability to the Resistance. She didn’t know when and where Kylo would show up and if he could learn something of them simply by showing up at the right time. So no, she wasn’t exactly eager to know all the detailed information as to the plans for the Resistance. She had to leave. That much she knew. She had an inkling to where she should go and study and learn the ways of the force.

  
-`-`-`-`

She saw his resting figure as she walked closer to his small bed. She assumed these were his quarters on his ship as she looked around and it made her shiver. So dim, dark and cold it made her skin crawl. She didn’t know exactly how she ended up here but clearly he wasn’t aware of her presence.

She knelt next to him and watched him sleep. He had fallen asleep with his usual attire except that he had removed his usual black long sleeved tunic and was only wearing his undershirt. There was something really calming and soothing about listening to the even patterns of his breathing and watching his usually tense face look more relaxed.

His hair had definitely grown out and it covered majority of his face. Rey had to hold back the instinct to touch it and feel it. It always looked so shiny and soft. She remembered how he looked the first time she actually saw the man behind the mask. It surprised her how young he appeared and she didn’t know why he had to wear that mask.

Her gaze shifted from his resting face and disheveled hair to his neck. He had a beauty mark there that called her attention. She took in the details of his strong and elegant neck. How can a neck be elegant? She leaned in closer so curious to see how this enigma of a man smelled like.

She wasn’t disappointed. His scent was a mixture of masculinity and …nature. It reminded her of the river she was at when she had last seen him. She took a deep breath and let the scent overwhelm her. She placed a small kiss on his neck by his beauty mark she looked up at his face to make sure he was still asleep. He had moved his head slightly towards her and she looked at his full lips. She didn’t know why but she couldn’t stop herself from planting a light kiss.

The moment their lips touched something in her roared to life. She could actually see their bond. It was bright interwoven with so many colors some which she hasn’t seen in the real world. She reached out to skim it and felt how silky it was in texture. She pushed a little against it to see what was in the other side and she felt him. Ben.

She can feel what she can assume were his emotions: darkness, confusion, anger, exhaustion, and most painfully: lonelines..but also there were glimpses of hope. There was light inside of him not only can she see it but she can feel it in him. He wasn’t gone completely.

As she was going to push a little further into their bond she felt pressure against her own lips. She opened her eyes in shock and pulled away and saw him looking at her, confused.

“Rey?”

 


	2. Unlocked by a Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben confronts Rey about that ghost of a kiss while both Ben and Rey make plans to escape their respective bases.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Ben and Rey speak to each other through the bond the texts will vary:
> 
> Bold text = Ben 
> 
> Italicized = Rey
> 
> \--- For those who left kudos for the last chapter I thank you guys! And even for those who just read the chapter and gave it a shot, thanks.

 

  
He no longer knew what was going on in his own head or in his own life for that matter. He wasn’t sure but he was convinced it was a dream that he had. That’s the only way it made sense or at least he can make sense as to what happened while he slept.

Did they both have the same dream? And why did that kiss feel so real? His breathing became a little haggard as he remembered the feeling of her sweet lips on his. How it had jolted something in him. Something that he didn’t think he was capable of feeling, no, it was more than that. It was something that he had shunned away from feeling. He feared this feeling. He stayed far away from examining that new sensation. The look in her face when he had woken up came to view. She was startled her pink lips slightly puckered and those eyes…a soft shade of green…  
  
But something had changed….something was different this time. He could actually feel the difference in the force but also in their force connections. It had begun with only seeing her and little by little he had been able to see more details of her surroundings but now he can see everything. He can see her duffle bag that she had placed underneath her bed, he can see her hair brush in one corner of her bed, and more interestingly enough he can see outside her window. It wasn’t fully day break but he could see the first sparks of sunlight creeping in from the horizon.

He had made the assumption that he could see whatever she interacted with. Yesterday, when she was outside by the lake he can see her surroundings but only to what was near her and nothing beyond.

What had changed?

He felt a stirring in their bond. Specifically he felt her…force signature? Is that what this is? It was warm and cool at the same time but it felt whimsical…like a breeze. He saw her stir in her bed and slowly sat up rubbing her eyes. The room was still slightly dark and she didn’t see him right away.

“Good morning, Rey.” He greeted her as he kept her distance from her, still watching her closely.

There was a jolt in the force that mirrored her shock in her pretty face when she spotted him. He watched her closely as she raised her blanket higher up to her chin and placed her fingers on her lips with a look of surprise and another emotion that flashed through her features, had it been curiosity?

“Why are you here?” she asked, clearing her voice from any remaining drowsiness that lingered.

“I was hoping you would tell me. I don’t know why I’ve been summoned to you…” she frowned at his response.

“ I didn't summon you!” she spat, raising her knees up to her chin.

“You sure? No dreams that might’ve involved me? Thoughts?” he stood up from the chair he had occupied and took a step towards her. He had to see her eyes they were so much more expressive than she imagined.

She raised her gaze and moved towards getting off the bed. She stood at her full height and walked closer to him, eyes defiant.

“My dreams are my own and I don’t have to tell you what happened in them,” she growled.

Kylo lowered his gaze to look at her evenly in her eyes.

“You sure?” he reached out to her and pressed her closer to him. He moved his head to the side of her neck and felt her pulse and he pressed his lips on her skin. He heard Rey gasp her breathing had become a little heavier. He stroked her neck with his nose and very slowly, lightly pressing soft kisses as he made his way up to her jaw. He placed a kiss at the corner of her jaw and right below her mouth. It took every ounce of effort he had to not kiss her beautiful mouth. He wouldn’t be able to handle it. That ghost of a kiss she had given him already had him so unsettled and riled up he wasn’t ready. If he ever were to kiss the lips of this beautiful woman it would be in person. Not like this.

He kissed her forehead and whispered through the bond.

 **“What’re you doing to me?** ”

`-`-`-`-`-`-`

  
Rey gathered herself together as fast as she could after Ben had disappeared. She couldn’t give herself the luxury to examine what just happened. She rolled her shoulders and her neck and made her way out of her room. She needed to find Leia and tell her about the bond and how much it’s growing which means that the only way to guarantee the safety of the Resistance is if she left. Now.

She was running down the hall when she came across Finn.

“Finn! Where’s Leia?” she asked, Finn looked at her closely

“Just saw her enter the conference room. Wait, Rey you okay?” He asked as her placed his hand on her arm.

Rey sighed and grabbed his arm, “Come with me to talk to Leia and I’ll tell you everything.”

They both made it to the room to find General Leia Organa staring at a map, alone. She looked over to them once Rey shut the door behind them

“Good morning you two, is everything alright?” she asked as she took a step towards them.

Rey sighed and looked at the General in her knowing eyes, “General, please take a seat I have intel to share.”  
Both Leia and Finn took their seats and looked at Rey, expectantly.

“ I share a Force Bond with Kylo,” she sighed as she looked at Leia and Finn. Finn frowned, confused as to what she was talking about while Leia looked at Rey.

“How long?” she asked.

“Wait, what’s a Force Bond?” asked Finn

Rey took a deep breath, “Finn, it’s like a power certain people have that allowed them to interact through the force. I, we, don’t know when it’s going to happen. There’s times when I wake up and he’s there and theres times that I show up to him when he’s asleep. It’s so random and there’s no rhyme or reason as to when it kicks in. And it’s been about a month.” She answers them.

“Wait so you guys can see each other?! At any time?” Finn asked incredulously. Rey nodded.

“It started getting stronger. Before we couldn’t really see too much detail of our surroundings whenever we interacted but that has changed. He can see everything. And I haven’t told him anything, either. I don’t think it’s wise for me to stay here,” she looked at Leia.

Leia was shaking her head looking down at the desk, “Is this why you’ve seemed more distant lately? Why you hide in the Falcons gutter?” Rey nodded.

“Wait, Rey, is that why you don’t pilot the Falcon anymore? You don’t want to know where we are?”

“Yes,” Rey was staring at her fingers, ashamed that she had hidden her motives. Something within her cautioned her about getting too involved, to stay at the side lines. Now that same, intuition, was telling her it was time to go.

“How is my son? He hasn’t tried getting any information from you?” the General asked, her eyes desperate for any news of her son.

“He did try it once about a month ago, didn’t work out well,” she smirked, remembering the first time the force had connected them. How he tried to get her to bring him Luke.

“But he hasn’t tried anything since. And Leia, I’ve seen Ben there’s hope for him. I’ve seen it,” she tells her as she remembers her dream and how he still has Light inside of him.

“Thank you, Rey. I hope he keeps that Light so he can make his way back home,” said the General as she reached to Rey’s hand and gave it a light squeeze.

“But Rey, you have a bounty over your head for killing Snoke! Where are you going to go? Someone can turn you in!” said Finn, as he pointed over to the holo section where her face flashed with a heavy sum flashing over it.

“Did you kill Snoke?” asked Leia, skeptically.

Rey released a sigh and shook her head, “No, but I did try really hard to kill him. And Finn, there’s no Holo’s where I plan to go. I’ll be safe,” she reassured them.

The news of her bounty wasn’t news to her it actually surprised her it had taken so long for it to be announced. But at the same time she somehow knew that Ben…Kylo might’ve delayed it as much as he could.

“Rey, are you sure that you want to go?” asked Leia.

Rey nodded, “Leia, it’s the best course. I need to leave and try to find a way to learn and actually know what’s going on. I just ask if you can please supply me with a small ship or anything really just so I can get going,” Rey pleaded. Leia nodded pushing her chair back

“ I’ll speak with our host and see what I can do, but please Rey come and say good bye when you do. I should have news before the end of day.” She smiled sadly at her and made her way out of the room.

“Rey, you’re confident in what you’re doing?” asked Finn as he grabbed her hand looking at her in her eyes

“Finn, he —Ben— may not be looking for the Resistance but I don’t want to tempt fate. I already suspect he doesn’t have full control of the First Order,” confided Rey as she chewed on her lower lip remembering what he had told her yesterday, about Hux basically running the operations.

“ What do you mean he doesn’t have full control of the First Order?” asked Finn, incredulously.

“Something is holding him back from going full Supreme Leader, I don’t know what it is but he’s holding back. I don’t think his ascent was very well executed let alone received. This is just something I’m guessing at, he hasn’t really given me many details,” said Rey, eyeing the holo of her bounty.

“So that means Hux is basically the Supreme Leader of the First Order. And that is really bad.”

  
-`-`-`-`-`-`-

  
He had an instinct that something wasn’t right today. Hux was trying to suppress his glee to finding something to help him stage his mutiny. The whole day today Kylo went around the Finalizer gently exercising his new power from the force. It didn’t take basically any effort to gently invade someones mind. And that’s how he found out that the weasel of Hux had almost secured evidence against him proving that he was the one that killed Snoke.

Kylo had thought that he had erased and destroyed all evidence of what really happened in that throne room. However, it appeared that it wasn’t completely destroyed and there was enough information left in it for Hux to hire a freelance agent to doctor it up. All he was waiting for was for that audio holo to be delivered which Hux expected it to arrive in less than two days.

Kylo knew that he had a little bit over 24 hours to leave and disappear from the ship.

He entered the training room turned on the training bots and removed his tunic and gloves and threw them to the side. He unclipped his lightsaber and powered it on. And he went in on the bots. He swiped up across swung his saber around and deflected shots from the blaster droids.  
Just as he turned around he saw her seated at the bench across the room. He nodded to acknowledge her but spoke to her through the bond.

“ **Give me a minute, I have to disable the camera and audio in the room**.”

As he slashed one of the droids he swiped his fingers across and manage to turn off the audio and video feed.

He walked towards the wall and turned off the droids. He turned off his saber and clipped it to his belt as he made his way towards her and sat next to her.

She was looking at the cameras around the room, frowning.

“ _Do all the rooms have cameras?_ ” she asked, distastefully.

“ **Recent change. In reality it was Hux’s way of keeping tabs of me** ,” he shrugged. He knew that Hux was looking for any reason to undermine him. Fortunately, for the most part, he’s been able to stay one step ahead of him.

Rey was looking down at her hands, “ _I have to tell you something but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea_ ,” she mumbled.

Kylo placed a finger under her chin and raised her gaze to his. He didn’t like it when she hid her eyes from him, “ **What is it, scavenger**?”

The nickname earned him a small smile, “ _I’m leaving the Resistance_ ,” she was looking deep into his eyes looking for something, as to what it was it was beyond him.

“ **Why? Did they do something to you?** ” he asked frowning. He didn’t see his mother kicking out someone as lovely and valuable as Rey. Leia Organa may have been a questionable mother but even he knew that she definitely would appreciate a strong and loyal ally such as Rey.

She shook her head, “ _No, I kicked myself out. This bond thing is getting too strong and I have to go away and … figure it ou_ t.” He knew she was telling him the truth. He could feel her anxiety pulsing through their bond.

“ **Are you running from me?** ” he watched her expression closely but the bond informed him of her shock mixed with small tendrils of hurt.

“ _No! I just couldn’t focus on figuring out this new force bond with you, and be loyal to the Resistance when I had the Supreme Leader of The First Order lurking around in my head! I can only focus on one and I am useless to them when I’m constantly…distracted,_ ” she said as she poked at her wrist guards.

Her anxiety was radiating off from her. He could sense that she was confident in her decision to leave the rebel group but she had many questions and was seeking guidance. He didn’t want to push the bond further to pry and see what else she was thinking. If she wasn’t ready to talk about it he would wait for her.

“ **Do you have somewhere safe to go, at least?** ” she nodded.

He sighed and decided to share his own news, “ **Rey, I too have my own news to share,** ” he admitted. Her eyes snapped to his face.

“ _What is it?_ ” she replied, curiosity and wariness laced through her tone

“ **I’m leaving the First Order, well — more like fleeing,** ” he amended, his tone light.

“ _Why?_ ” her tone surprised.

“ **There’s a plot of a mutiny in about two days. Hux was able to find proof that it was I that killed Snoke. I’ll be able to leave this place within less than 24 hours if everything goes according to plan** ,” he confided.

Shock radiated through the bond laced with fear and sadness.

“ **I’ll be okay, Scavenger,** ” he teased, raising his fingers to her cheekbones and wiped away the stray tear that escaped her expressive eyes.

There was a sudden shift in their connection from shock and sadness to one of hope, he looked at her questioningly.

She had raised her hand to his and whispered familiar words, “ _Join me…..please?_ ” it was Ben’s turn to be surprised. He glanced down at her outstretched hand and gently intertwined his fingers to her slender ones.

“ **When do you leave?** ” he asked, looking down at their intertwined fingers.

“ _In a few hours,_ ” she replied, gently smiling at him.

“ **Will you be telling me where I’ll be meeting you?** ” he asked, eyebrow raised.

“ _Once you’re on board a clean ship. I assume you’ll be escaping using your own ship and trading it in for a less…distinguished one?_ ” she teased.

“ **Spoken like a true rebel, but yes, that is the plan,** ” he smirked at her.

With her other hand Rey reached out to his face and gently caressed the scar that she given him.

“ _Mine_.”

Ben gently moved her hand from his face and brought it to his lips and placed a gentle kiss to her palm. The force surrounding them was humming in accordance. Feeling emboldened he gently pulled her closer to him and placed a kiss to the base of her neck slowly making his way to her lips. He stopped himself from placing a kiss but instead hovered his lips right on top of hers.

"Careful Rey, your heart is showing,"he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to anyone that reads this and please! Leave a line or a kudos! It really is very encouraging!


	3. A Dangerous Request

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You want me to kiss you Rey?"

 

 

She landed the small transport at the landing platform in the familiar island. She grabbed her things from the storage closet near the exit and made her way down the ramp. She looked up at the hill remembering the first time she had arrived here and how everything looked so lush, green, and exciting. She took a deep breath and made her way up the stairs that would guide her to the Jedi village.

As she climbed the stairs she starting thinking about what she hoped to accomplish during her stay at the island. There was something that was telling her she was in the right place even though she knew that as for as she was aware all the Jedi Masters were gone.

If she were honest to herself the one thing that was an upside to arriving to an island where she had no one to teach her or guide her was the prospect that Ben Solo would be arriving, soon. He was the last person that Rey knew that was trained by an actual Jedi Master and maybe he would teach her how to channel the power that was swirling around begging to be released.

As she came into view where she was going to be staying she took a glance at the door of what had been Luke’s hut. She smirked as she remembered his expression when Chewie had broken his door.

Rey walked in her own hut and placed her belongings on her bed. She dug through her bag looking for the Jedi texts she had taken from this island. She retrieved her staff and made her way back out to the Tree library that was in the opposite side of the island.

She let her thoughts drift as she walked through the familiar grassy planes. She lightly touched her lips where just few hours ago Ben had given her the slightest of kisses. If you could even call it that. She couldn’t believe how changed her relationship with Ben Solo had gone and couldn’t pin point why it felt so right. Her instincts were telling her that this was good but she still felt guilty that she was….fraternizing with the enemy. But was he still the enemy if was fleeing from the First Order? She had made the mistake before in assuming where his loyalties laid. This time she wouldn’t make the same mistake and she will ask him what his plans were.

“Hello Rey,” said a voice that she never thought she would hear again.

She looked up the slight hill she was climbing when she saw him.

“Mas- Master Luke?” It was as if he really was still alive. She walked closer to him and realized that there was a blue hue covering his silhouette. She walked around him and upon closer inspection she noticed that he wasn’t completely solid you could see slightly through him.  
He looked younger easily a few decades she couldn’t see any grey in his sandy blonde hair definitely in his prime and slightly taller, although nowhere near as tall as Ben.

“Good to see you’re back on the island,” commented Luke as he motioned her to follow him.

“Master Luke how is it that you’re here?” she asked completely confused as to how was it that she was able to see him. She had felt him pass away; it had been a peaceful and purposeful passing.

“I am what you can call a Force Ghost. I may not be here in the physical world but every now and then, when I’m needed I can appear to those who need guidance. Oh! here we are,” he said as we came around where the Tree library was.

The tree was completely charred. Rey walked towards it and placed her hand on the base wondering why the surrounding grass had not also caught fire.

“What happened? Who did this? We were just here a few days ago!” Rey felt relieved that she was able to remove the jedi texts before she had left.

Luke chuckled as he looked up the tree a few yards away from her, “I had the intention to do it but another Jedi Master beat me to it.”

Rey shook her head this couldn’t be happening. Jedi Masters burning their own properties? She was under the impression there weren't any Jedi Masters left!

“Excuse me, Luke, but what?” she couldn’t articulate what she was thinking but Luke seemed to understand her reaction.

Luke took a seat on the grass and patted the spot in front of him, “come Rey take a seat and I’ll tell you why I’m here. I can definitely sense that you have questions.”

Rey took a deep breath and joined him, placing the texts and her staff next to her.

“I owe you an apology. I was too dismissive of you and should’ve in the very least helped you how to channel that power you have. So now, I, amongst others have been assigned to you and one more student, as Masters,” he said offering her a bright smile.

Rey frowned, “Amongst others? Which other student?”

Luke nodded, “ There’s at least one more person who will join me in teaching you the ways of the force. And you know this other student and if I’m wrong I think he will be joining us in a few hours.”

Rey felt her jaw drop. Surely Luke wasn't suggesting that Ben Solo become his student once again, there’s no way that the after life had made this man so dense.

“Luke, I really don’t think Ben — you know, the guy that burnt your academy to the ground because you helped create Kylo Ren— would ever accept to become your student. Ever.”

“You’re right, which is why I won’t be the only one instructing the both of you. There will be others,” he reassured.

“I can tell you right now Luke that he won’t show,” she muttered, looking down to the grass.

“He will if you ask him,” suggested Luke

“Are you insane old man?! I can’t get him to do anything! I’ve underestimated Ben Solo and Kylo Ren enough to know that. I’m sorry but I won’t force him here,” she crossed her arms to her chest.

Luke sighed, “Rey, you and Ben have been given a unique bond that if both of you don’t study it and harness it correctly it can actually hurt you both. Just bring him tomorrow to the Jedi temple at sunrise and we could explain more. Here I’ll even tell you who the other Master is, and believe me, Ben is a fan,” he winked at her.

“Who is it?” Rey asked suspiciously.

* * *

 

He was surprised to not see the Falcon at the landing dock for the island when he arrived. He expertly landed his own slightly bigger transport next to Rey’s ship. He grabbed his things from the co pilots seat and made his way out of the ship. As he walked down the ramp he looked up to the sky, it had been awhile since he’s seen sunset, he took a second to enjoy the horizon.

He had been successful in escaping from the Finalizer without anyone detecting that he had escaped. He had sold and purchased a new transport in the planet of Coruscant where he disguised himself to avoid any type of detection. He had communicated to Rey after he had taken off with his new acquirement.

As he climbed the stairs he looked around the cliffs that surrounded that section of the island. To think this was the location that a month ago, would’ve been surrounded by the First Order hunting down his dear old uncle, Luke Skywalker, The Last Jedi, what a joke that was. And now here he was, a traitor to the First Order and in hiding with a scavenger from Jakku whom he just happens to share a force bond with.

“Hello there,” said a feminine voice

He looked up and right in front of him stood Rey. He actually felt his heart skip a beat he internally rolled his eyes at himself.

“Nice island,” he replied as he followed her up the remaining stairs.

She dimpled, “Yeah, beats staying at a massive ship in space.”

He gave her a small smile in response. They came into a clearing with a few dome sized huts that appear to be empty. Rey escorted him to one that was slightly in the back and took him inside the hut.

“This is yours. For the most part the keepers of the place give you your space and don’t get in the way. Just don’t break anything,” she instructed as she made her way out.

The hut was nothing extraordinary. It contained a bed which most likely he wont be able to fit in comfortably and one desk and one chair. He threw his bags on the floor and looked at Rey who was watching him, apprehensively.

He raised an eyebrow at her, “Everything okay, Scavenger?”

She was biting her lip thoughtfully, “I gotta talk to you about something and I don’t think you’ll like it,” she answered truthfully

He made his way to stand in front of her, “Spit it out.”

Rey shook her head, “Not now, I’m hungry. Come on I got a fish cooking,” she turned around and walked towards one of the neighboring huts. Ben took a deep breath and followed her.

They walked into what he assumed at Rey’s hut and inside she had a fire cooking a fish.

“Is this wise? Cooking inside your own hut?” he asked her skeptically, leaning against her wall as she started slicing up the fish.

She shrugged and offered him a plate which he politely accepted. He sat on her bed while she sat on a chair. They started eating in silence and every now and then Ben would catch her staring at him.

He didn’t want probe into her mind and see what was wrong with her but he was tempted to reach out to their bond and see what was going on in there. He studied her face and noticed that her eye color was darkest he’s ever seen it. There was no lightness in it which made him feel unsettled.

“Rey, I’m trying really hard to remain patient but you gotta tell me what’s going on. Are you regretting inviting me here?” he leaned towards her, gauging her reaction.

“Absolutely not, I am incredibly glad that you’re here,” she clarified, she took a deep breath, “Luke reached out to me today.”

Ben stared at her, “He did what?”

“He said he was now a force ghost. A force ghost that was going to help me and one other student here on this island,” she said, avoiding eye contact.

Ben raised an eyebrow, “Another student?” He knew that light siders could manifest as force ghost, occasionally. What he didn’t understand was why was he interested in training Rey now? And who else was he supposed to train?  
“You,” Rey whispered

Ben didn’t feel himself standing up and making his way out of the hut. He also didn’t realize that the sun had completely set and it was now pouring rain as he made his way back to the hut that belonged to him.

“Ben! Please let me explain!”

Ben entered his hut and turned around to face Rey.

“Is this a trap? Is this why you invited me here? To get tortured once more by Skywalker?” he roared as he backed away from Rey.

He could see that his reaction to her news had scared her but he didn’t know what else to make of the situation. He sensed her invitation to join her here on the island had been completely genuine. But how was it possible that Rey would even consider that he would once again succumb to Skywalker. After what he had tried to do when he was his student back at the jedi temple.

“Ben, Ben please listen! I didn’t even know what a force ghost was! I had no idea I would ever see Luke again! I told Luke you wouldn’t come but he insisted I tell you! Look into my mind and you’ll see everything!” She walked towards him and grabbed his hands and placed it on both sides of her face.

“Look inside, please,” she whispered, her eyes pleading.

Ben took a deep breath and looked at Rey. He felt a pang of guilt when he realized that she had tears streaming down her pretty face her eyes desperately looking at his.

“No Rey, I wont invade your mind like that again,” he whispered to her, wiping her tears from her eyes.

Rey started shaking her head, “Then through the bond, I”ll show it to you through there, please I hate misunderstandings,” she closed her eyes and Ben could feel her calling him through their bond.

He sighed, kissed her forehead and closed his eyes and reached out to her.

**He could see Rey and a younger version of Luke sitting down by a burnt tree having a discussion. He got a little closer to he could hear better.**

**“ There’s at least one more person who will join me in teaching you the ways of the force. And you know this other student and if I’m wrong I think he will be joining us in a few hours.”**

**Ben saw Rey’s jaw slightly sag as she shook her head.**

**“Luke, I really don’t think Ben — you know, the guy that burnt your academy to the ground because you helped create Kylo Ren— would ever accept to become your student. Ever.”**

**“You’re right, which is why I won’t be the only one instructing the both of you. There will be others,” he reassured.**

**“I can tell you right now Luke that he won’t show,” she said….**

**“He will if you ask him,” suggested Luke**

**“Are you insane old man?! I can’t get him to do anything! I’ve underestimated Ben Solo and Kylo Ren enough to know that. I’m sorry but I won’t force him here,” she crossed her arms to her chest looking attractively defiant…**

**Luke sighed, “Rey, you and Ben have been given a unique bond that if both of you don’t study it and harness it correctly it can actually hurt you both. Just bring him tomorrow to the Jedi temple at sunrise and we could explain more.”**

Ben opened his eyes to find Rey looking up at him nervously. Ben moved his hands from her face down to her neck. He gently placed a kiss to her cheek then moved to her ear and whispered, “Thank you for standing up for me,” and moved to kiss her lower jaw. He felt her tremble. He took a step back from her and realized that she was wet, he looked outside and the rain had stopped.

“Lets get you back in your hut to dry you off,” he let go off her but Rey grabbed his hand and they walked hand in hand to her hut.

As they entered the hut Rey and Ben sat on the bed facing the fire.

“I’m sorry for reacting the way I did,” Ben mumbled, not accustomed to apologizing for his explosive reactions.

Rey shifted her whole body to look at him, “You don’t have to go,” she reassured him as she grabbed his hand with both of hers.

“I don’t know Rey, if this force bond can turn dangerous I would want to know,” — he sighed—“I guess it doesn’t hurt to hear what he has to say,” he mumbled. Tomorrow was going to be a taxing day but hopefully with Rey by his side things would turn out better.

Rey nodded still looking worried. Ben decided to change the subject.

“Well, turns out you can get me to things,” he slightly teased as he grinned at her.

Rey shook her head hiding her eyes, “Not true, I can’t get you to kiss me,” she mumbled.

Ben was surprised to hear her say that out loud. His body reacted to her accusation and immediately wanted to rectify her complain.

He tilted her chin forward so he could look at her eyes, “You want me to kiss you, Rey?”

Her expressive eyes were clearly telling him that she did. Her lips were slightly open begging for attention, she nodded.

Ben raised his free hand and tucked a stray tendril to her ear, lightly cupping her cheek as he leaned in closer Rey closed her eyes and Ben changed his course and kissed her nose instead of her pouting mouth.

Ben pulled back and watched her reaction. Her eyes opened in surprise and when she saw him smirking he was pretty sure he heard her growl before she grabbed his face and pulled his lips to hers.

Their lips crashed together and the force surrounding them was humming approvingly. Ben kissed her back softly as she grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him towards her, moaning.

* * *

 

Authors Note: THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT!! Next chapter won't be up for a couple of days but I hope you guys enjoyed!

 


	4. Too Many Skywalkers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He shot me!"

Authors Note: THIS WAS HARD!!!!

* * *

 

It was an overcast sky with threatening clouds that greeted Rey when she exited her hut. She was making her way to Ben’s hut when she saw him waiting for her near the side ramp of the curving hill. She almost didn’t recognize him with his cowl and cape, there was a striking contrast with all the black and his alabaster skin stone. There definitely was a dark and reluctant energy emanating from him as Rey approached him.

“Good morning,” murmured Rey.

He reached for her and brought his lips to hers in a sweet kiss, “Good morning, did you sleep well?” he asked, lowering his gaze to see her eyes.

She nodded, his eyes a rich color of brown with small tints of yellow around the pupils.

“Are you ready?” she asked him as he let go of her.

He nodded, “Lead the way,”

They made their way to the temple with Rey leading the way. He was taking his time catching up as if he was stalling not wanting to arrive too soon. Rey kept giving him side glances as he remained quiet. He looked detached occasionally looking at something that caught his attention or looking at the sky.

This version of Ben was the complete opposite of the man that was on top of her the night before. The man that took his time kissing her neck, lips and when he had started kissing the valley of her breasts she didn’t know she could feel such strong desire. He had looked like a sin incarnate with his pouty lips, his disheveled hair how it would tickle her body. He had stopped too soon and wished her a good night, it had taken her a little while to calm her body down so she could get some sleep.

They were climbing up the stairs to enter the temple when Rey turned to face Ben.

“Ben there’s one more thing that I need to inform you about this meeting. Luke said he was bringing someone you’re a fan of,” she told him, his expression suspicious.

“Luke said he was bringing, Anakin Skywalker,” she said slowly, watching his reaction.

“Anakin Skywalker,” he repeated skeptically.

Rey felt guilty. She didn’t tell him because she thought it would be a surprise but now that she was thinking about it she probably should’ve told him, maybe this ‘surprise’ that Luke said he was bringing wouldn’t be received well by Ben.

Rey nodded, “I mean I gather he’s one of your family members but who is he?”

“I’m Anakin Skywalker,” said a deep voice behind them.

They both turned around to look for the voice and there in the middle of the temple stood two men. One of them was Luke Skywalker and the other, the taller one, whom she didn’t know but there was something familiar about him, was staring straight at Ben.

Ben looked surprised; barely even noticing Luke as he was focused only on the other figure, Anakin she assumed, he walked towards him slowly pulling away his hood and stood right in front of him.

“You’re Anakin? You’re shorter than I imagined,” he observed, looking at him curiously.

Anakin smirked, “Impressive scar.”

Rey watched them closely, Anakin was tall, had similar waviness in his hair but not quite like Ben’s, he came up short in comparison. He and Ben were in some sort of staring contest that neither one of them would look away from the other.

“I’m sorry but who are you? I mean, I know your name but how are you related?” she asked looking at Anakin but it was Ben who replied

“He’s my grandfather. The great _Skywalker patriarch_ ,” he said slowly, looking away from Anakin

Rey was confused, “I thought Darth Vader was your grandfather?” she asked looking at Ben who had taken a few steps away from Anakin.

Ben smirked, “He was Darth Vader. Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader and then his child —he glanced at Luke— redeemed him so when he passed away he died on the Light side which is how he’s here. How poetic, such a lovely family reunion,” he sneered as he glared at Luke, noticing him for the first time.

“Ben—“

“What do you want from me?” Ben demanded as he looked from Luke to Anakin.

“We came here to help,” said Anakin as he took a step towards Ben, Ben took a step away from him.

“Ben please, let’s just listen to what they have to say, please,” pleaded Rey, as she tried to place a calming hand on his arm.

Ben didn’t flinch away from her, “Speak farm boy,” he growled at Luke.

Luke and Anakin looked at each other and Anakin nodded at Luke. Luke took a deep breath and cautiously took a step towards them.

“It has come to our attention that you both share a bond, one that needs to be calibrated,” he said looking at Rey and Ben.

“Calibrated? What are we, droids?” he said sarcastically.

“It’s in your best interest, Ben, that you allow us to help you, to help both of you,” said Anakin, eyes on Ben.

Rey could feel Ben’s anger and frustration as if it were her own, she kept a firm grip on him as to remind him that she was still here.

“Is it now?” he looked at Anakin suspiciously.

Anakin walked closer to Ben while still keeping a safe distance between them, “Ben, you and I are a lot alike. I can see your distrust and I understand it. Don’t do this for us or even you, do it for her,” he nodded at Rey.

Rey felt his body relax a little as he glanced down at her and she looked at his eyes and saw his indecision.

“Ben —“ Luke started speaking when suddenly the noise of a blaster going off echoed through the temple and they saw the blast go through Luke, hitting the wall behind him leaving a small chip.

It took Rey a second to react but she was certain she heard Anakin chuckle. She looked at Ben and saw him holding a black, sleek blaster pointed at Luke.

“You shot me!” Luke exclaimed. Ben walked away from her to stand in front of Luke.

“Do you want another one?” sneered Ben

“No!”

“ I’m done listening to you. You might’ve spared me getting my hands dirty with your blood back in Crait but that doesn’t mean that I trust you. You knew about the bond before Crait and you did nothing for Rey,” he then turned around and spoke to Anakin

“I don’t know you so why trust you? I’ve been disappointed by your bloodline, how are you any different? The only person in this temple I trust is Rey,” he glanced at her, as he exited the temple.

Rey moved to follow him but Anakin stopped her.

“Give him a head start, he needs some space but just keep an eye on him,” he advised as he looked down at her.

Rey looked up at him and noticed that he had a small scar on one side of his eye and his eyes, they were the color of an overcast sky she can definitely see where Ben inherited his brooding looks from, his grandfather.

She nodded at him and walked straight towards Luke, “Ben has a point. You knew about the bond before Crait and you didn’t want to help, you blew up a hut and kicked me out of the island once you found out,” Rey reminded him, recalling that stormy night.

“You blew up a hut?” Anakin asked, voice flat.

Luke ignored Anakin’s jab, “Rey it’s not my proudest moment, I don’t think I can ever apologize enough to the both of you for being so jaded. I really am sorry. But I can’t emphasize enough how important is it that both of you learn how to handle this bond,” Luke pleaded. Rey felt that he was being honest, she could see in his clear eyes.

“Rey, you’re his anchor. Bring him back at sun down so he can meet the actual Master that will talk you through understanding your bond. Luke and I wont show up again until Master Yoda think it best. We don’t want to become a distraction during this process,” Anakin lowered his gaze so he was at eye level with Rey, a gesture that Ben did frequently for her, _so much alike._ She nodded and with one last look at Luke she exited the temple looking for Ben.

 

* * *

 

He felt her presence before he saw her. He knew she was near him but kept a safe distance from him, giving him space. He was grateful for that.

He continued staring at the angry waves clashing at the rocks, native birds squawking, the grass moving with the wind.

That’s something he missed the most about being in a planet like this and that was the water and the wind. It felt so refreshing to feel it against his skin, making his cape move behind him, his hair dancing around his face he doesn’t bother fixing it.

He takes a deep breath and closed his eyes wanted to breathe in the unique scent of the wind and the ocean, it really helped him clear his head and make him see everything clearly.

He had already known he was going to see his darling uncle so it was no surprise to see him —a younger version — but he just couldn’t grasp the idea of being one of his students. No, he didn’t trust him at all. He couldn’t stop Rey if she wanted to become his student but Ben would keep a close eye on him, thankfully he was actually dead and he wouldn’t have to fear waking up with him looming over him, lightsaber on hand, again.

Anakin on the other hand was an enigma. He was curious to see who he was; he had tried looking him up on both the Empire database and the Republics database and there was hardly any information besides that he and his mother were slaves and were from Tatooine. Ben didn’t need to probe any minds to know why Anakin had been dispatched to him. If the Force ghost wanted to make sure that he didn’t stray too far into the Vader territory who better than to send former Vader himself?

Ben smirked at this, if he wanted to go all Vader he would’ve done it already. Nothing could’ve stood in his way to achieve what Vader couldn’t. At some point he and Snoke agreed that Anakin Skywalker had been the reason why Vader had failed in his mission. But now, Ben doesn’t know what to make of the man. He had only one interaction with him and it wasn’t completely unpleasant but Ben was incredibly reluctant to get to know this man, he was a Skywalker after all.

No, his pull was to one person, Rey.

He turned around and made his way towards her, she was at the top of the staircase staring down at him. Once she saw that he was making his way towards her she was climbing down the stairs to meet him, and gave him a hug around the waist once she reached him.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled to his chest.

Ben returned her hug, “What are you sorry for?”

Rey peeled herself from him and looked at his face, “I should’ve told you everything that Luke told me, even his little surprise,” she made a face.

Ben smirked, he grabbed her hand a lowered her to sit down at the steps. She was still watching him, worried with a little frown.

“I just think it’s my natural reaction to being around too many Skywalkers,” he teased. Looking at her expressive eyes, he sensed there was something she wanted to say, “Something you want to share?” he asked, eyebrow raised.

She nodded, “After you left, Anakin asked me to bring you back at sunset to meet with the actual Master that will help us with our bond. He said his name was Master Yoda, have you heard of him?” she asked.

Ben frowned, “Yoda? I think he was a Master of his,” he shrugged

“Are you going up come back?” Rey asked, skeptically, “Anakin said that he and Luke won't show up until Master Yoda says so.”

Ben raised his eyebrow, “Been talking to the old man now have you?”

Rey rolled her eyes, “Only cause you left! He wouldn’t let me go after you he said to give you space.”

“Careful Rey, I think you have a type,” Ben said sarcastically, Rey slapped his shoulder.

“Ben! You don’t understand how weird it was to be in that room with three generations of Skywalkers!” she was shaking her head.

Ben shrugged, as far has he was concerned they were only family through blood and that was pushing it.

“You’re all so snarky,” commented Rey, a small smile playing on her mouth.

Ben scoffed, “I’m not snarky,” he said defensively

Rey raised her eyebrows at him, “You sure? Where the hell did you get that blaster?” she asked, suspiciously.

Ben looked down to his thigh where he had store it away in his holster, “I honestly don’t know. It was in my quarters on the ship and I can’t remember where I got it. But it’s always good to have an additional weapon,” Ben justified.

Rey narrowed her eyes, “And you just happened to bring it to meet your uncle?”

“Like you said, too many Skywalkers,” he gave her a smile.

Rey started shaking her head, she was so stunning this morning. Her hair was halfway up and the rest of her loose hair was curled around the base of her neck. Her eyes in this lighting were a dark yellow, amusement in her eyes, her face free of stress.

He remembered last night how she was so tempting, it was hard to tear himself away from her especially when her body was so responsive to him. How when he kissed her neck she would arch towards his body so they were touching. How his body was aching for hers but he knew that he had to be careful, he didn’t want something to happen that she wasn’t sure of herself.

“Ben, I noticed that you haven’t answered my question. Are you going to want to come tonight to meet Master Yoda?” Rey snapped him back to reality. He considered her question, he knew that she wanted him there with her. After all it was a bond they both share.

He let out a deep breath and stood up, reached out a hand to her, she accepted it, “Sure, why not. I don’t think I’m related to him,” he said, bitterly.

“Are you sure?” taunted Rey, as they climbed up the stairs

“You’re right, I’ll bring my blaster.”

“Ben!”

* * *

Rey and Ben arrived to the temple after they had dinner and the sun was setting. Rey went to take a seat where she and Luke had first spoken about potentially training her as a jedi. Ben sat on the floor across from her.

“All are Force Ghosts late?” he asked, voice tired.

It had been a pretty eventful morning. They had spend the better part of the day fishing and clearing up their own respective huts. It was surprising how dirty those huts can get and how much space they didn’t have to store their things.

“Kriff I’m really dreading all those stairs heading back to the huts,” she complained as she stretched her limbs.

“Hmmm, so soon, complaining, no, no,” said a voice in front of her.

She looked up and saw a small green figure with long ears, deep wrinkles that made him look very wise and tufts of white hair on top of his head, he had a bright light green eyes that studied her.

“Master Yoda?” asked Ben who he was seated next to

“That I am, young Solo. Now Rey, sit, lesson starts now,” he said pointing at a spot in front of Ben with his small cane.

Rey took her seat facing Ben “Hold hands, Ben, Rey,” he instructed.

They both held hands and Rey ignored the jolting feeling from joining hands, Ben smiled widely at her. Damn, that smile, why did he have to be so handsome?

Rey focused her attention to Yoda, there was something that exuded complete and indefinite wisdom that really soothed Rey.

“Your bond strong, mmmm, yes, unbalanced, dangerous, mm hmm,” he nodded with his eyes closed, one of his hands hovered over their clasped hands.

He opened his eyes and looked at them both, “You two cant fight one another mmm, no, no, mmm, The Force won’t allow, mm mmm,” This confused Rey, she and Ben had fought against each other.

“Master Yoda, Rey and I have fought one another,” clarified Ben, he glanced at Rey and she nodded in agreement.

Yoda nodded, “Ben, Rey, eyes close and show me mmm first fight against you both,” he nodded, his hand still hovering over our joined hands.

Rey looked at Ben’s confused eyes for a moment before she closed her eyes and recalled the moment back in Starkiller Base. She recalls the moment when the Skywalker lightsaber flew past Kylo Ren and into her hands. She let the memory flow from her, it felt like it happened so long ago but in reality it had been about maybe less than two months ago. She opened her eyes when the memory had finished.

Master Yoda was laughing, Ben and I looked at each other confused as to why the Jedi Master was laughing at that memory.

“The Force split the ground hahaha mmm mmm to stop fight mmm mmm, no, no more fighting each other,” Rey frowned.

She did recall the ground breaking apart after Kylo had fallen and she had used the distraction to find Finn and leave the collapsing planet.

“Show me fighting together mm hmmm,” asked Yoda, eyes already closed.

Ben already had his eyes closed when she turned to look at him, she closed her own. She thought back just less than a fortnight ago back in the throne room when they fought Snoke’s guards. How they stood back-to-back how she had leaned on him to gain leverage and kick a group of guards away and the memory went on.

There was a tug on their bond, Rey opened her eyes and to see that Ben and Yoda still had their eyes closed, why would their bond be activating right now? She closed her eyes and let the tug taker her.

She was seeing the event of the Throne room but it was shifted. This wasn’t how she remembered it, this had to be Ben’s version of it. She can see herself in one corner of the throne room fighting one red guard as Ben danced around with three. She watched him, he was surrounded by the guards his blade up tracking the guards and she can see his concern when he saw her on her own, seconds later she was cut with one of their weapons, she yelped. She felt his concern and anger but there was something else, compassion. He lowered his lightsaber, his hair stuck to his forehead, he made a move, looked from side to side and flung his saber from one guard to another….He had looked like such _a Dark Prince…._

She was taken away from his memory and she saw Ben and Master Yoda looking at her, Ben confused.

“Why did I see your memory?” she asked Ben. He looked as confused as she did.

“The Force thinks you should know more mmm hmmm you saw same thing I did. You two, much compassion, yes, for each other mm hmmm. But careful, balance for Ben and for Rey, yes, and together. One more memory, mmmm, show me how lightsaber broke,” said Yoda, eyes already closed.

Ben looked confused but still closed his eyes. Rey wasn’t sure he was aware that the lightsaber had been broken.

She closed her eyes and thought of the memory, how she couldn’t verbally reject Ben and had gone for the saber, they both did and how there was a struggle and the saber hung in the air not choosing sides and eventually she saber had split right down the middle. Her memory went on a little longer how she had woken before Ben and had taken the pieces and ran from the room, from him.

She opened her eyes to once again find them both looking at her.

“More proof, no,no, The Force not like it, no more you two,” he raised his small cane and hit Ben and Rey on the knee.

Rey was watching Ben he was as confused as she was. There was something that he was hiding from her she can feel it. He was avoiding her eyes and staring purposefully at Yoda, she will ask him about this later.

“Now, both of you will be open with each other mm hmm, your bond reacts to honesty, yes, no secrets, no, balance is key. Must serve The Force,” nodded Yoda, staring from Ben to Rey.

“Master Yoda, I don’t want to become a Jedi. If Rey wants to go down that path that’s fine but I don’t,” Ben clarified, intentions clear.

Master Yoda hit him with his cane, “Young Solo, no Jedi, balance yes, with dark and light, you both will be, Prime,” he clarified.

Rey frowned, “What’s Prime?” she asked him, she hadn’t heard of that term before

“Balance, you both will be balance, yes, with dark side, yes, and light side,” he responded as if it was so obvious, “Tomorrow daylight, meditation and sparring, yes, with Obi Wan Kenobi,” he nodded.

“Master Yoda, I am okay with Anakin Skywalker to teach me. But not Luke Skywalker, not yet,” Ben told the small master.

“If you’re sure, Young Solo,” and with that he disappeared.

“Ben we need to talk,” Rey told him as they both stood up and for the first time that she’s known him, Ben Solo ran away from her.

* * *

Authors note: Guys, this chapter was hard to write. Please feel free to leave some feedback and for those that took the time to do so in other chapters, THANKS

 


	5. An Offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Smut-- the grind...
> 
> "Show me."

Ben Solo wouldn’t say that he ran away from Rey, no, he wouldn’t say that at all. He would specify that he exited the temple at a fast speed and with determination, alone. Yes, he was aware that due to his height his strides were possibly longer, hence he was hard to catch up with…

Okay fine, he ran away from Rey.

He didn’t know why she had to see his memory of the fight in the throne room, he didn’t understand why the bond decided to share that tidbit with her. He didn’t want to examine his intentions of that moment. He was concerned, he couldn’t help Rey when they were in battle. He had his own three that he had to deal with and every now and then he did risk a glimpse over to Rey and he would see holding her own, sure, he did feel his stomach drop when he heard her yelp.

But again, he didn’t want to think or even try to analyze as to why. Too much has happened since then and he needed some time to catch up and actually evaluate what was going on. Even tonight was something that he had to find time to digest, he was just told that he and Rey weren’t allowed to be at odds. She was his equal in the light, sure, but he wasn’t going over to the light so how on earth will he be in the same page with her? How do you balance their odds?

Ben shook his head, too much has happened today alone that he would have to think about. He felt a tug on the bond;

 _“You can’t hide from me, Ben Solo,”_ she grumbled.

Ben sighed, **“I’m not hiding from you. I’ll meet you outside your hut.”**

He was near the huts anyways so he might as well talk to her now. He will be careful as to how to answer her questions. He wouldn’t lie to her but he wouldn’t give her the answers that she wanted. Mainly because he didn’t have the answers to them himself. He stopped right outside her hut and leaned his back to the wall, there was a term that Master Yoda that he hadn’t heard of even with his training with Luke. Prime, it sounded very familiar but he couldn’t remember exactly what it was. He had read it somewhere but something about it stuck in his head. He will likely have to ask one of the many Masters that will teach them.

“Ben Solo! Why did you run?” she demanded as she made her way towards him.

“No, didn’t run, walked,” he clarified as he gave her a grin.

She stood right in front of him, suspicion written all over her pretty face. He would have to be very careful as to how to respond. Hopefully their bond wouldn’t rat him out, again.

She narrowed her eyes, “Right, I just wanted to ask you about that memory. If there was a reason as to why I saw it?” she asked, hand on hip.

Ben shrugged, “Rey, I honestly don’t know why. Clearly the force has been trying to send us a message and you and I haven’t been receiving it,” he answered, face serious.

Rey took a step towards him and poked him at the chest, “Ow!” exclaimed Ben, playfully. He grabbed her hand, gently and kissed her finger.

Rey looked at the hand he was holding to his lips, “ You can’t distract me,” she stated, defiantly.  
  
Ben shook his head and dipped his head towards her, “not trying to,” he whispered to her lips before he placed a slow kiss.

Rey kissed him back, her lips asking for entrance by lightly nibbling his lower lip. Ben granted her access and they both started exploring each others mouths. Rey tasted like he thought he would, nothing but sweetness but she kissed like a hunter. She nipped at his lips multiple times, both of their tongues fighting for dominance.

Ben placed his hands on her hips and lifted her up, she wrapped her legs around his waist and he twisted them so she was against the wall of her hut.

He started kissing her neck tasting her skin, this made Rey groan, her hands on his hair, she tilted her head back to grant him more access to her neck. He left a trail of hot kisses alongside her long neck, he made his way down to her chest where he kissed the valley of her breast. He used his nose to move away the fabric to expose her chest band, with his lips he tugged away some of the top material and kissed the tops of her breasts, she arched her back towards his mouth, groaning. Ben was stroking the length of her hip bones on either side when his hands raised her tunic over her head and threw it to the floor, and with a tug he was able to bring down her chest band exposing her breast.

Ben immediately kissed her nipples, licking the buds and blowing them so they peaked, this made Rey moan, loudly. His mouth abandoned her breasts instead replacing it with his big hands, massaging her breasts while he returned his attention to her mouth, kissing her with all the passion he could muster in the kiss, Rey sucked on his tongue while Ben moaned into her mouth. Rey broke the kiss and hungrily lifted his simple shirt over his head and was discarded to the floor, she brought their bodies closer so her breasts rubbed against his bare skin, making both of them moan. Ben captured her mouth again asserting his dominance, Rey surrendered and started grinding against his hard manhood. He grabbed her ass with both hands and helped her increased her speed. He could feel how wet and ready she was, the friction felt so good. Rey moved her lips to his chest and lightly nipped at his skin.

This was starting to feel too good for him. Ben had to stop himself from going further. He gently grabbed her hips and stopped them. He looked up at Rey, her beautiful face illuminated by the nights bright moon. Her mouth was open, breathing heavily, eyes dilated, the picture of temptation. He placed his forehead on hers he couldn’t find the strength to speak so her reached out through the bond;

“ **I can’t go further, not right now, not like this,”** Ben told her softly, he looked deep into her eyes, Rey nodded.

Ben helped her with her breast band and gently put her down, making sure she was steady. They both looked to the ground for their respective clothing.

 _“When we both are ready, until then?”_ she asked, her eyes looking deep into his, both of them wearing their clothing, he nodded.

Ben sighed, looked in the direction of his hut and closed his eyes, **“Your question from tonight, I can’t answer because I don’t have an answer, not yet,”** he glanced at her direction, she nodded.

 _“Goodnight Ben, I”ll meet you at the temple in the morning”_ she said, giving him a small smile before entering her hut.

Ben stood outside her hut for a few moments until his body had calmed down. He couldn’t believe that he rejected this opportunity with Rey, but it didn’t feel right. There was a heaviness to his chest that he didn’t want to analyze at this precise moment. He turned around and made his way to his hut, shaking his head.

* * *

  
  
Ben was already in the temple when she arrived. She felt herself blush at the memory of last night. She had felt right and alive, she loved the way he had treated her body and what he had done to it. She can still feel his strong body on top of her, it had felt so right.

She walked straight up to him and gave him a deep kiss, “Good morning,” she whispered at him, he had embraced her waist and bringing her to his chests.

“Good morning, Rey,” he greeted back, looking into her eyes. She could see that he looked relieved.

“Did you sleep okay?” she teased, it took her hours before her body calmed down and let her sleep.

Ben winked at her, “Slept like a baby,” he smiled, releasing her waist.

“Morning,” said a voice that Rey didn't recognize.

Both her and Ben looked up to see another force ghost but this man, from what she could see had a kind face, it didn’t carry any brooding the way Anakin’s did or the familiarity of Lukes, Ben’s face remained still, not expressing any emotion.

“Good morning,” she replied, Ben said nothing and continued to stare at the man.

“My name is Obi Wan Kenobi and most likely the last Force Ghost you’ll meet, I’m pretty sure that you’ve met all of us, well maybe except one but you’ll never see him, you might hear him, though,” he chuckled to himself, as he motioned for them to sit down.

Rey and Ben sat facing each other, “Now, meditation, a state of mental being that can help center, balance and communicate with the force within you and most importantly it is your guide, especially for you both, it’s your one and only guide. So go ahead, close your eyes and find your center, find the force within and reach out.” Master Kenobi instructed, pacing around the room, Rey closed her eyes.

She reached out and felt the strong life force of Ben sitting right in front of her, she can feel his heart beating, she can feel him in their bond humming, strong, and content. She reached out further and felt the caretakers, scattered all around the island mending and cleaning. She felt the livestock of the island, the porgs, the sea animals and birds. She recognized the bright light of the Jedi temple where they were currently at, a blinding concentration of light.

“Focus on the Force, let it guide you,” instructed Master Kenobi

Rey focused on that same source of power that she sensed all over the island, within her. She can feel it the—her— light surging through as she summoned it she can also sense another power source, smaller than her light but it was there, like a dent on a wall, her darkness. She frowned when she reached out to feel it, it was a combination of stoic, chaotic, and velvet….she compared the feeling with the one of her light and when she tried to gather them together she quickly saw an image. It was quick, it was a picture of a Kyber crystal, she recognized it from the split one she had from the Skywalker lightsaber, she opened her eyes.

She looked at Ben who had opened his eyes at the same time, she wondered wether he saw the same thing she did.

Master Kenobi looked at the both of them with raised eyebrows, “what did the force show you?” he asked curiously.

“Kyber crystal,” replied Ben, Rey nodded in agreement.

Master Kenobi looked thoughtfully from Ben to Rey, “Rey, Master Yoda said that the lightsaber that you were using is now broken in half. You haven’t been able to fix it, I gather,” he questioned, Rey shook her head

”Then that’s settled. In a few days time you should be able to go and find your crystal. Well, this lesson went by faster than I thought. Ben? could you please go down to the caretakers and ask them to show you where they stored the sparring gear? We will meet you by the Jedi Library, Anakin will meet you there. Rey? Please stay behind.

Ben looked at the Jedi Master with suspicion at the end he nodded, stood up and exited from the temple.

Rey stood up to face Master Kenobi, “Rey, just wanted to recap with you about balance and it’s important that you understand what balance is.”

Rey didn’t understand what Kenobi was trying to tell her, “Equal light, equal dark is balance. Isn’t what Ben and I are?” she questioned, now actually confused.

Kenobi eyed her thoughtfully, “Yes, you and Ben do represent the equals of the light and dark. But it’s something that you also have to balance within yourself. Knowing the limit, understanding when to back away and reassess. You do have darkness in you, Master Yoda has seen it but it’s not something we want you to grow with. It’s something we want you to understand. It’s so much easier to fall to the dark side then it is to climb out of it and into the light. What Ben has to do to balance himself is different from what you have to do. Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?” he asked, watching her closely, his blue eyes glued to hers.

She frowned, “What is the dark side of the force? I mean I know that it’s killing and being cruel, like Snoke but how did I end up with Darkness?” she knew she wasn’t a sweet angel but she hadn’t hurt anyone or done anything that would cause someone harm

“A great question, the basic definition is allowing an emotion to overwhelm you and fueling your actions through it. That’s the most simple answer I can give you but it is something we will talk about with you and Ben, Anakin will most likely be there because you know, former Sith Lord and all,” he said lightly, smiling.

Rey nodded looking thoughtful

“Now head down over to the Jedi library and I’ll meet you there,” instructed the Jedi Master as he disappeared leaving Rey to her thoughts.

* * *

 

Rey had been lost in thought as she made her way towards the Jedi tree reviewing that conversation she had with the Jedi Master. She was curious to know how she got her darkness and what that meant because she still felt like herself, she felt like she still had her own moral code so what changed?

As she got closer to the grass she spotted two blue hued figures which she immediately knew were Anakin and Kenobi and off to the corner was Ben swinging what looked to her a bamboo stick.

“Hello Rey,” greeted Anakin, wide smile. Rey gave him a small one in return. She turned around and noticed that Ben was walking towards them.

“Okay now that we are all here todays exercise is more of an assessment. We have to see how you two fight we know what happens when the both of you are at odds so please don’t actually try to hurt one another we just need to see how well matched you are,” explained Anakin  
“We will be using bamboo sticks since Rey doesn’t have a lightsaber,” explained Kenobi as Ben handed her a bamboo stick.

Rey smiled at Ben, “Don’t think I’ll go easy on you,” she teased while Ben shrugged not saying anything. This was so unlike him he hadn’t said a word since meditation earlier she didn’t want to reach into the bond to pry, she will give him space and hopefully he will come to her.

Ben and Rey stood a few feet away, bamboo sticks at the ready.

“Go.” instructed Kenobi

Rey breached first took a side swing towards his ribs while Ben deflected, Rey then swung towards his chest and Ben blocked the stick down with a downward blow. They both circled each other waiting for an opening, Rey could see that he was thinking really hard trying to come up with a strategy.

He lunged forward and Rey engaged him bamboo sticks cris crossing blocking and attacking. Her arms had started to ache she had forgotten how strong Ben is and how much taller than her he is, it made reaching him more difficult. She saw an opening when Ben lunged for her stomach and she grabbed it and with her own stick she hit the back of his knees making him stumble forward. He raised an arm up in defeat and Rey helped him get up.

“Good one,” he smirked at her, Rey smiled at him teasingly.

“Ben!”

“Rey!”

They both turned to see Anakin and Kenobi walking towards them, Anakin frowning gestured to Ben to follow him and Kenobi doing the same to Rey.

“He held back on you, a lot” Kenobi told Rey, looking concerned and amused. Rey frowned, she looked at Ben and Anakin, Anakin looked annoyed at Ben while he looked guilty?

“He did?” she asked Kenobi, the Master nodded.

“Clearly he didn’t want to hurt you but that doesn’t help you. You have to look at his weakness, he’s a tall guy with a long reach you have to hit him with precision and speed. You’re lighter on your feet you have to have him chase you and tire him out. He can’t and shouldn’t make it easy on you its all about balance between you two. Go again, don’t be afraid to lose,” he instructed.

  
Rey was half listening to what Kenobi was telling her she was watching Ben— thinking out loud to him—

 _“You’ve been holding back on me?!”_ she growled at him

Anakin and Ben were standing on the opposite side of the grass clearing and they were both very deep in their conversation, Ben turned his attention to her looking slightly ashamed, he shrugged. Anakin turned to see her, he shook his head, smiling.

Rey glared at the pair of them.

She turned her attention back to Kenobi to find him watching her exchange with Ben, he raised an eyebrow.

“You know what is interesting?” he asked looking at Ben and then at her, she shook her head.

“You two fight very similarly. Almost identical technique which is odd because as far as we know you two never trained together,” he said, thoughtfully.

“We do?” she asked, shocked. She’s seen Ben fight and he becomes something different he can be very elegant and precise or a complete savage.

Kenobi grinned, he looked over her shoulder and nodded, “Ok, so they’re ready, are you?” Rey nodded.

Rey walked towards the middle of the grassy field facing Ben. There was something in the way that Ben stood and was looking at her that made her believe that he wasn’t going to hold back this time.

 _“Don’t be gentle,”_ she spat at him.

**“I don’t plan to.”**

* * *

Ben was back in his own hut looking at his reflection in a small mirror, razor in hand and was slowly shaving off the first signs of a beard coming in.

He had been dismissed after the fighting assessment while Anakin and Kenobi had asked Rey to hang back so they could talk to her. After the first initial fight they had where Anakin called him out on being way too easy on Rey he reminded him that he was harming Rey. He scolded him for challenging her in something she needed to get better at. Ben begrudgingly agreed with Anakin and when they faced off again Master Kenobi had to call it a draw; he and Rey genuinely gave it their best. There were times that he could sense her exhaustion but she was very stubborn and refused to let him best her.

There was a tug in their bond—a warning—he could sense that she was coming to him, in a mood.

Just last night, he and Rey were getting along perfectly well and now, she’s most likely ready to throttle him, what a change a day can make. He knew that she would likely want to say something to him about what had happened out in the field but he didn’t know why it mattered so much to her. Yes, he was reluctant to really engage her in a fight because he just couldn’t see her in a way that he normally would see an opponent. Usually the person on the other side of his saber rarely survived and he just couldn’t put that image in his head. He wanted Rey to fight with him, like they had done back in the Throne Room.

He was finishing cleaning his razor when Rey barged into his hut.

“Ben Solo how dare you?!” she whispered, dangerously.

She stood with her hands on her hips, glaring at him. Ben had to hold in an eye roll because he had a feeling that would anger her more.

“Hello Rey,” he greeted as he placed his razor inside a pouch, he turned to her to give her his attention.

“Back in Starkiller Base, did you let me beat you? Did you let me give you that scar?” she asked, her voice low as she eyed his scar.

Ben took a seat on his bed, looking at her closely considering how to answer her. He didn’t want to say anything that would trigger or insult her.

“I”m not a masochist, Rey,” he answered her simply, hoping that this would satisfy her questions.

Her hazel eyes looked confused she was nibbling her lower lip as she took a step closer to him.

“That doesn’t really answer the question. You fought me and it felt like you really wanted to..”

“Rey, in Starkiller base I didn’t want to hurt you. If you recall I wanted to teach you. There was a few opportunities where sure, I could’ve had the higher ground and I didn’t take it. Okay, believe it or not I didn’t want to hurt you let alone kill you,” his patience was wearing very thin, his breathing was getting heavier and the darkness in him was swirling within his chest telling him to blast her away from his hut. But instead he closed his eyes and looked for the light. He no longer tried to suppress the light but instead would occasionally reach for it whenever he felt the darkness wanting to overwhelm him, like right now.

“You wouldn’t kill me but you would kill your father?” Rey murmured, looking down at her hands

Ben’s eyes flew open and glared at Rey, “Yes, I killed Han Solo. We’ve been through this. You know I didn’t hate him,” he said in a low voice, his control slipping.

“And you never answered why,” she said, voice flat.

“Why does it matter now?” he countered, watching her not meeting his eyes.

There was a voice, a light one, like a whisper or the feel of the wind that said to him:

_**Show her everything** _

“It matters because I still don’t understand why! You had parents that didn’t abandon you in the middle of nowhere!” said Rey, her eyes filled with tears.

Ben ran a hand through his hair, he knew that if he tried to tell her everything she wouldn’t understand. He considered what the whisper had told him, to show her everything, would he be able to withstand it? Would it overwhelm her? He searched within and felt out his instinct and it was bright with approval. He checked the bond to see if it was strong enough to endure what he wanted to do, it hummed approvingly.

He looked up at her and extended both of his hands, “You want to know my relationship with the great smuggler, war hero, owner of the great Millienium Falcon? Or the great Senator Leia Organa who happened to be the twin sister of the man who redeemed Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker? I’ll show you, but know this — I’m not censoring anything, you’ll see everything,” he warned, he watched her face looked shocked and slowly it became more determined.

She grabbed the chair he was sitting when he was shaving earlier and placed it right in front of him, she sat down and reached for his outstretched hands, face determined.

“Show me.”

* * *

AUTHORS NOTE: I really hope you guys enjoyed it because I had trouble finding the rhythm for this chapter. Next chapter update should be within 7 days. I appreciate the support you guys are hella amazing! So please leave a message, kudos anything because it's really encouraging!

 


	6. Bens' Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: NON GRAPHIC SELF HARM/IMPLIED. THIS PART IS LOCATED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CHAPTER FEEL FREE TO SKIP IF YOU WANT.
> 
> “Leia, your lovely daughter. The woman that had droids look after me which nearly decapitated me, and who hid my parentage for her own political advancement. Mother of the year, must’ve inherited from her father,” he said slyly, he had kept his distance from Anakin, but as he remembered that this fragment of a man was the one responsible for so much, he needed to see his face when he asked his questions...

AUTHORS APOLOGY AT THE END OF NOTES...

* * *

 

She had closed her eyes once she touched Ben’s hands and she opened them again a second later to find herself standing in a vast living room furnished in luxurious, plush furniture with a vast balcony over looking the grounds she turned to see that Ben was with her and he was staring at the entrance door, expectantly.

As if on cue there was high pitch gurgling laughter that ran into the room in the shape of a 2 or 3 year old boy with black short hair, big rounded ears that was being chased by a laughing Chewbacca. Chewbacca easily caught up to the laughing toddler and scooped him up and easily placed him over his shoulders, this made the toddler laugh even more.

“Chewy did you catch my little bandit?” asked a much younger version of Han Solo, this younger version of him still had the glint of mischief in his sparkly blue eyes, his tossed hair didn’t carry any visible graying that Rey had met him with.

He walked up to Chewbacca and smiled widely at the sight of his son carrying a small chain of golden dices, and in his other hand he had a toy model X wing.

“Hey Ben the Bandit, did you take something from the ship?” Han asked toddler as Ben smiled widely, dimpling, his big almond shaped eyes opened wide and continued to laugh.

He thrusted the dice towards his dad, “This!” she sang “I want to fly!” he shouted as he struggled to get off Chewbacca. Han grabbed him and placed him down, “Lets go find your mother and see if we can all go fly,” said Han as he grabbed his son’s hand and walked away.

Rey looked next to her to see Ben looking away from the retreating figures of his father and his younger self.

The colors blended in together and the scene melted away they were standing in a blank space until the next scene displayed itself right away.

This time it was an office that appeared before them. It was one of the biggest offices Rey had ever seen in her life. It could’ve easily been the size of 5 huts put together. The furnishings were all fine oak with vast bookshelves all across the walls. The door opened right away and in came in two people, a younger, regal looking Leia with long hair styled beautifully in braids, holding her hand was a slightly older Ben who couldn’t be older than 7 years old.

They reached the desk and Leia carried Ben to her desk and she took a seat in her chair.   
Ben wasn’t making eye contact with his mom and kept looking at his shoes

“Am I in trouble?” he murmured, his wide eyes looking at his mother

Leia smiled at her son, gently, “Why would you think you’re in trouble, Ben?”

Ben shrugged, “You looked mad when the statue fell, I don’t know how it happened,” he looked down at his shoes.

Leia tugged his chin upwards, “My beautiful boy I wasn’t upset at all. I was surprised! I didn’t know you could do that, that’s all.” Leia clarified as she started finger combing his soft wavy jet black hair.

“Can you do it mom?” Ben asked curiously

Leia looked thoughtful as she considered answering her son’s question, she raised her arm and removed one of her bangle bracelets that she was wearing.

She placed it next to where Ben was sitting, he was watching her closely with curious eyes.

Leia raised her hand and the shiny bracelet started levitating. Leia watched her sons reactions; his eyes widened and kept looking from the bracelet to her mom and was mouthing the word ‘wow,’ Leia smiled at him and brought the bracelet back to the desk.

“You want to try?” Leia asked her son, he nodded eagerly.

“Okay Ben, close your eyes, inside of here—she pointed to his small chest—theres this powerful energy that exists in everything and it lives inside you too. Now, feel that energy and focus on levitating the bracelet, raise your hand to the bracelet” she instructed, Ben lifted his small hand towards the bracelet, and closed his eyes. Leia kept her eyes closed, her hand on his shoulder as if she was feeling what he was feeling.

The bracelet immediately rose from the table and hovered right in front of him. Leia opened her eyes and smiled widely as she saw his surprised reaction. He put his hand down, the bracelet followed until it laid flat on the table, he grabbed it and inspected it closely.

“Can dad do this too?” Leia shook her head, “No, but your dad and Chewy are really good at piloting!”

“I got this from you?” he asked, still holding his moms bracelet.

“Yes, you did.” Ben reached out to hug his mom.

As Leia hugged her son, Rey was able to see the look of worry she was hiding from her son.

Rey looked at adult Ben as the scene dissolved.

“My first lesson in the force,” murmured Ben.

Rey didn’t get to respond to him at the next memory took form.

They were in a long carpeted hallway in a second floor, Rey saw the stair landing and down that hall there sat a much older Ben leaning against a door, levitating the same golden dice from the earlier memory.

Before they reached him they could hear two people arguing from the other side of the door.

“So he’s a good pilot! How’s that concerning?” Rey recognized the voice of Leia

She looked at the younger Ben, he was still looking up at the levitated dice.

“It’s not like that, he’s too good. It really freaks out the other students,” came the gruff voice of Han Solo.

“Han that’s not fair! My father was a pilot, you’re a pilot! Some things you’re born with,” defended Leia

“Leia, he definitely shows skill of a person double his age, it’s just extremely off. I’ve had students of other pilots and their skill develops over time but this, this is different. I try really hard to cheer him up cause the students are intimidated by him, Leia he’s lonely.” Han’s voice sounded really tired, she heard a chair move she assumed someone was taking a seat.

“What do you want me to do, Han? I can’t tell him to scale back, if he’s good at something then good on him,” scoffed Leia

“Leia, it has nothing to do with his incredible advanced skill, it’s with the fact that he’s by himself a lot,” said Han, concerned.

“He’s force sensitive. He’s really strong with the force and it can be intimidating for some,” explained Leia.

“I’m pretty sure he’s not the only one. Can’t you talk to Luke and see if he knows of other kids that he could hang out with? I mean he’s a teenager for the love of god he should be out with some buddies!” said Han, frustrated.

Rey looked at teenage Ben, she could definitely see his prominent Adam’s apple she could still see some of his baby fat on his cheeks and he was definitely taller. He may be sitting but she could definitely tell that he might’ve already had a growth spurt.

“I’ll contact Luke,” sighed Leia.

At this teenage Ben looked thoughtful, he slowly stood up and just like Rey had assumed he was very tall. He grabbed the dice and tucked it inside his pocket and made his way towards the staircase down the hall.

The scene dissolved once again and quickly they were outside on the patio. It was raining and Han and Leia were outside under a tree and they were watching Ben who was standing in the middle of the courtyard, face tilted towards the rain. He still looked the same as he did since the last memory. He was slim with broad shoulders, his hair hanged long and limp. He moved his hair from his face and tucked it behind his rounded ears.

He raised his hands towards the rain and kept his eyes closed in concentration. The rain that was falling directly onto him had stopped. It was as if he had summoned a protection shield. He opened his eyes and saw that he had succeeded and smiled widely, dimpling, how is it that Rey never noticed that Ben had dimples?

He looked around and noticed that his parents were watching him. Leia waved at him, smiling as to congratulate him for his achievement, Han next to her gave him a smirk.

Teenage Ben turned around and made his way towards the house.  
“Is that supposed to be normal?” said Han, looking down at Leia, she glared up at him.

What Han didn’t notice was that teenage Ben had heard what he had said, the smile disappeared replaced by a frown, he continued to walk straight ahead…

The scene once again dissolved….

There was something different about the way the next memory appeared, there wasn’t a lot detail of the surroundings. She heard shouting before she was able to identify where she was, she couldn’t make out what was being said, she looked around and found a slightly older Ben sitting on his bed, the moonlight streaming in through the window highlighting the more angular facial features of Ben.

He was staring down at his pale arm, completely transfixed by the green vein as he tilted his wrist for closer examination.

“You’re not supposed to be seeing this,” came the voice of present day Ben. She tore her eyes from the younger version of him and looked over at him.

He looked completely shocked there was a wild look inches eyes that made him look like he was a caged animal looking for an exit

“Ben?” she looked back at the younger Ben and saw him pull out a pocket knife from his pocket. He flipped the handle expertly as the blade slid in place.

She glanced over at the older Ben, questioning what she was seeing but she only saw him shaking his head frantically, eyes closed.

The younger Ben was staring at the point of the blade with intense curiosity, he stretched out the same arm he was inspecting earlier, knife hovering over his prominent vein.

It didn’t take long for Rey to understand his intentions, she felt a heaviness on her chest that came with the realization.

“Why?” she asked, she didn’t dare take her eyes away from the younger version, slowly lowering the blade to his smooth alabaster skin.

“You’re not supposed to see this!”

She felt like she was kicked in the chest by a massive boulder as she felt herself get sucked out by a vacuum, the image of young Ben skimming his skin the flat edge of the knife, tears falling to his arm…

“Ben, dont!” she cried to the boy, wanting to reach out and take the blade away from this beautiful boy.

The image of his bedroom had quickly faded away, she opened her eyes in time to see present day Ben grab his saber and run away from the hut.

“Ben!”

* * *

 

Why had that happened?! Everything was going so well, he didn’t want to show Rey impactful parts of his life randomly. He wanted to show her things as they started happening through out his younger life. It was all going to be chronological order so she could see where things started going wrong. How the whispering, snide comments, closed door conversations about him had happened without much regard if he could hear how cruel his parents could be even if they claimed they were having a conversation about how to help him, it was still cruel how they went about it.

The stolen memory that was played was one that he would never had shown her, or even mention. It had happened that one time, it took only one time where he considered hurting himself in that way. He was curious to know if by harming himself it would relief some of the pain he felt on the daily basis. To see the bright red color contrast his pale alabaster skin…But the idea of having physical proof of his struggles on his skin was something he didn’t want others to see or judge so no, in the end he couldn’t do it.

He didn’t know where he was running towards to but he was craving destruction. He had his lightsaber in hand already activated and he was running the fastest he’s ran in years. The only place he could picture in his head was the jedi library that looked like someone had tried to burn it down, but had failed. Well, he would go right ahead and give it his damn best shot. He was standing in front of the tree and started slashing it, both hands on the hilt of his lightsaber and completely unleashing all of his anger, frustration onto every stroke and stab. He was supposed to be in control of his life now, he had killed Snoke to regain control of his own decisions. Oh how that overgrown worm would laugh at him now…

“Ben.”

He didn’t even bother attacking the tree when he heard his name being called.

“Don’t come near me, Skywalker,” he wanted to be alone, he didn’t want to be bothered especially by him.

“What’re you doing?” he rolled his eyes at the idiotic question.

“I”m kriffing decorating this freaking library,” he answered sarcastically, not wanting to turn around and see that smug face.

“Nice lightsaber red is such an appealing color,” his voice sounded a lot closer.

“Yeah, just like the one you had, Darth Vader, or did you forget about that?”

“I haven’t forgotten my sins.”

“Your sins go much deeper than you think, grandfather.”

At this Ben turned around to face Anakin, the face that he’s seen so frequently lately whom he still had a million of questions for, and he was going to answer every single one of them…

“You know I spoke to your helm, I prayed for your guidance, I needed you,” he deactivated his lightsaber, he took a step loser to the force ghost of Anakin.

“Ben, I couldn’t get through,” he couldn’t even look at him in the face.  
  
Ben barked a laugh, “Oh! was there a busy signal for the past 29 years?”

‘There was always a darkness that wouldn’t allow me through. Ben, you know that Darth Vader couldn’t communicate with you. I died as Anakin Skywalker, and Ben I did try…”

“Liar!”

‘See through your rage! Snoke had you manipulated so thoroughly…”  
“I killed Snoke! Just like I killed Han Solo! Don’t worry grandfather I’m aware of the horrible things I’ve done!”

“Ben, we know that you didn’t want to kill your father—“

“It doesn’t matter if I wanted to or not, the point is I killed him and there’s nothing I could do to bring him back. His death was for nothing… ” he spat—remembering the pain he had felt once he had nudged his fathers body over the bridge, the echo of emptiness that was quickly replaced with the actual pain of Chewbaccas near lethal shot to his abdomen.

“It’s obvious that you loved your parents, Ben. You had the opportunity to get rid of Leia and you didn’t,” there was something patronizing about Anakin’s tone that really set Ben over the edge, as if he knew all the intimate details of his relationship with his parents

“Leia, your lovely daughter. The woman that had droids look after me which nearly decapitated me, and who hid my parentage for her own political advancement. Mother of the year, must’ve inherited from her father,” he said slyly, he had kept his distance from Anakin, but as he remembered that this fragment of a man was the one responsible for so much, he needed to see his face when he asked his questions

“Tell me, Anakin, how is it possible that you knew Leia Organa and you didn’t know she was your daughter, honestly, how’d you do it? If I’m not mistaken you knew her before you met farm boy —Anakin was glaring at Ben but didn't say anything—“didn’t you blow up her planet? That’s quite a gift to give to your baby girl,” he taunted, he saw a flash in Anakins eyes that reminded Ben he was a former Sith Lord, he smirked widely at him.

Luke had given Ben had told some stories about Darth Vader once it the fact had been exploited all around the Senate. He knew that the only reason Skywalker had agreed to divulge any type of information regarding his grandfather was to get him to speak to him after days of silence. He didn’t know too much of his grandfather but from what he has been able to see and the stories he had been told, he had been disappointed in a figure he had once prayed to.

“I was so deep and committed to the dark side of the force, and Palpatine said they died with Padme,” he murmured, not looking him in the face

“Yes, Skywalker, you also have murdered someone you love,” Ben was positive that if his grandfather was flesh and bone he would’ve rightfully thrown him a punch, or force choked him a la Vader. It was irritating him that Anakin wasn’t shouting at him or defending himself at all, he was aching for a good shouting match but the former Sith just stood there, silently, eyes on him.

He activated his lightsaber and stepped a few steps back and lowered the saber right next to his face watching the red light reflect across Anakin’s face.

“Shame I never got to meet my darling grandmother, she seemed to be quite an impressive woman,” he said, silkily, keeping his eyes on Anakin’s face.

He knew all about his grandmothers professional accomplishments; a Senator, Queen and a respected member within the Senate. She was regarded with high esteem back in Naboo, was considered a beautiful woman with nerves of steel. It gave him the desired effect, at the mention of his grandmother Anakin openly glared at him, fist clenched. Ben kept his lightsaber trained on his grandfathers neck. Ben can clearly see the bloodlust in his grandfathers eyes and he clearly didn’t care. He will continue to push this other neglectful family member until he finally spoke the truth.

“Don’t talk about her,” spat Anakin, his body shaking with fury

“She must’ve been quite the rebel herself, and she broke all the rules. For you. What a disappointment, ” he smiled widely at him.

“Ben enough!” came another voice he had become familiar with, Obi Wan Kenobi

Ben narrowed his eyes to the newcomer, “What do you want?” he growled at him. He had so many more things to spit at Anakin he didn’t want this interruption.

“Why are you doing this?” the older man asked

The bubble of fury that was threatening of overwhelming him had increased two fold to this mans question. Why was he doing this? As if he wasn’t aware where he had come from and what he had to endure. Aren’t all force ghost privy to all of this? Don’t they see everything as a bystanders and never interfere? Even when they can see that their loved ones are struggling, and they still don’t interfere. But now? Now they decide to give a damn…

“Don’t Kenobi, I know who you are!” he was made well aware that this man was the one to take Han, and Luke to help rescue Leia. This man was the one responsible for introducing the love affair of Han and Leia, and he wasn’t grateful to this man at all.

“Don’t deflect! We saw what happened to you and Rey earlier today,” he responded calmly “I can see why this would upset you,” Kenobi said, nodding at him

“Of course you bloody know! Now you tell me why it happened! Why?! This is the second time that my own private, personal memories get exposed without my permission! They’re mine! I decide who and what I share!” he turned around, saber still activated as he resumed slashing the tree. He felt nothing but anger and wanted to unleash it by the only way he knows how to do it, by destruction. He started to feel the ache on his shoulders as the wide strokes he made weren’t smooth but messy and bumping on some of the ridges he had previously made, he growled in frustration.

“Because I failed,” Ben didn’t even bother to stop his attack on the tree to acknowledge his grandfather.

“It’s…it’s this curse of the Skywalker bloodline,” he heard him release a big breath “we have to keep the balance in the force.”

This made his turn around to glare at his grandfather. He had heard enough about the bloody curse of the Skywalkers and their responsibility to the balance. He would choose his own path, regardless of bloodlines.

He stopped his attack on the tree, “That’s not my problem,” he spat.

“Yes it is, Ben! That power that you carry it comes from the power of the blood that runs through your veins! Regardless of how you may feel about the bloodline it doesn’t matter! “ this came from the man standing next to Anakin, Kenobi.

Ben was so fed up. He didn’t have any expectations coming to Ach-To he might’ve been reluctant to agree to the training and bond teachings when he first arrived here. These were choices that he made, he wasn’t pushed to them he wasn’t bullied into them nor was he forced to. And now, what? His choices don’t matter? The force will pick and choose what he does? Why? Why now?

“When you made the choice to use the dark side of the force the Cosmic Force had to find a way to balance it, to counter your power. That’s where Rey comes in, she’s as part of this as you are. You’re both incredibly powerful and as you already know both of you are the ones to balance the force. That’s why you have this Force bond, as Yoda told you both in that meeting you had with him, there has to be complete honesty, transparency, and most importantly, trust,” said Kenobi, stepping closer to Ben as if to see if his temper had eased.

He clearly didn’t know him.

“So you’re telling me that the cosmic force is exposing my intimacy to build trust with Rey? Are you bloody kidding me? We don’t even fight for the same side!” he took a few steps away from them. Ben knew the minute they had their bond in check and he wasn’t a danger to her she would immediately rejoin the Resistance and Ben knew that he would never go with her. He may have abandoned the First Order but he had been abandoned by Leia Organa much earlier, and he wasn’t going to go back crawling back to her. Ever.

“Ben,” came the voice of Rey, he turned to see her arrive to the grassy area where they stood. “Please talk to me! I can feel all your anger through the bond,” she pleaded as she walked towards him, her eyes looking like she had been crying since he left her back at the hut.

This was enough for Ben. He already had a trying time trying to understand what was going on with this whole cosmic force situation plus the things she’s seen. He didn’t want to explain anything to anyone.

He closed his eyes and located the bond, the texture reminded him of lava. He knew he couldn’t destroy the bond but he didn’t want any more of his intimacy shared so the only thing he could do to protect himself was to block it. He imagined a cement wall covering the thick thread, he didn’t know how long it took him but he finally was able to block the bond.

As he opened his eyes, he took a step back and ignored the thrumming that had now taken residency in his head.

“No, I’m done talking.”

He deactivated his saber and without looking back he ran away from the three figures.

* * *

 

A/N: I am sorry that this took a month to update but I had to take time writing this as respectfully as I could as well as RL keeps deciding to annoy me but I can definitely promise an update within a week. I want to thank everyone that left any type of kudos/subscription/bookmark/comments for the last chapter! have a great weekend


	7. The Consequence

_**Drum Drum Drum** _

_**Thump Thump Thump** _

Was the currently melody that was taking place in her head. It was made organically from her own body. She’s been hearing and definitely feeling this symphony for the past few hours since Ben had fled the Jedi library and he was off god knows where, she couldn’t feel him in the bond. He had shut her out. Something she didn’t think it could’ve been done but at the same time she wasn’t surprised that Ben Solo was able to achieve the unthinkable.

She had no idea how she managed to climb up to the jedi temple when her head felt twice her body weight. It didn’t take Rey long to realize that Ben had completely blacked out the bond and that the massive headache she now was nursing was a side effect. She was somewhat aware that she wasn’t alone and the force ghost were here with her but she didn’t know which ones had remained or which had left. She could hear whisperings of them discussing what had happened with Ben but Rey didn’t have the energy to eavesdrop or even blatantly ask what they were talking about because this massive headache was enabling her to function in any productive way.

She rubbed her temples in soothing circles, eyes closed and tried not to think of all the memories she had witnessed from Ben. Specifically the last one, the one that had sent Ben over the edge but it seems that the more she tried not to think about it the image summoned itself. She didn’t know how bad his childhood had been to the point where he would consider hurting himself. The memory didn’t finish playing itself out before Ben had yanked them from that specific scene so she didn’t get to see wether he had gone through with it, but if she was really was being honest with herself she didn’t think she could stomach seeing a young Ben willingly hurt himself. That’s what his loneliness had driven him to do…To attempt to release some of the pain he felt on the daily basis…

It was strange to see younger versions of Han and Leia interact with their child. She always assumed they were good parents, how could they not be? They were great individuals who had accomplished so much and fought for all of the right causes. They were sympathetic and always willing to give help. Well, maybe Han will need some convincing but he would come around. She didn’t forget how Han had offered her a job after knowing her for a few hours! Leia, how she hugged her when they first laid eyes on each other when she returned to the resistance base after the Starkiller Base had been destroyed, and when Han had died. She had shown great compassion and trust in a person she didn’t know, and maybe that’s why Rey had a bitter taste in her mouth after witnessing what she seen.

She couldn’t excuse or justify some of the ways Han and Leia had addressed their son. As if he was a ‘situation’ that needed handled instead of their own flesh and blood that they were referring to. It was clear to Rey that Ben had been incredibly powerful from a young age and didn’t have much guidance through it all. She didn’t see Luke in any of his memories but that could also be that they were withdrawn prematurely. She thinks he might’ve been around fourteen at the last memory so she knew that there was probably more, a lot more that she didn’t know, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to see…

But…

She also couldn’t justify Ben or Kylo killing off Han… He might’ve not been able to handle his powerful son, didn’t know how to guide him since Han wasn’t force sensitive but still…This frustrated Rey so much more. She needed to find Ben and force him to tell her more because from where she stood there were somethings that didn’t add up and she was much more confused than she originally was. She felt slightly guilty in thinking that, they were his thoughts and memories and she shouldn’t force him to tell her anything that he didn’t want to…but…she needed answers. This just made Ben more of an enigma than he already was.

Rey had to admit that Ben was justified to be upset was to why the Force was showing her things that he didn’t want her to see. It reminded her as to when he had gone into her memories back on Starkiller base in search of the map to Skywalker. She could definitely sympathize but there was no way for Ben to confront the Force as to why he was abusing his privacy. At least Rey was able to turn the tables on him and invade his mind and look into his thoughts, that evened out the playing field.

Force, she wanted to cry. It really had been a long day. She felt her eyes sting as she felt the weight of todays pressures on her chest. That with a combination of this disastrous headache that she had she was just ready for today to end. She had no idea what time it was or if the sun had even set. She had her knees pressed up against her chest, forehead on her knees, rubbing her temples to try to soothe the pain. Kriff, today really had to end.

“Rey?”

Rey didn’t have to look up to know who was addressing her. She took a deep breath and very slowly peeked over her knees to see the kind eyes of Obi Wan looking down at her sympathetically.

“How are you feeling?”

She knew that he was asking this with genuine concern, but she really wished she could bring down lightning with just her glare because she was positive she looked exactly how she felt.

“Headache,” she said simply, she slowly raised her body to a sitting position as she cradled her head with one hand. She noticed that the sun was finally setting marking the end of this overwhelming day, she closed her eyes once again.

“He still has the bond blocked?”

Rey didn’t want to move her head anymore and spoke, eyes still closed.

“Yes, he’s not wavered for a second,” she takes deep breaths to control her many scattered feelings and the pain her headache was giving her.

“His transport is still here so he hasn’t left. We can sense him on the island so for the time being it’s best that we give him some space,” instructed Obi Wan.

“Why is the Force doing this?” she blurted out, opening her eyes looking up at the Jedi Master

Obi Wan looked down at her one hand stroking his beard thoughtfully, “Balance,” he said simply.

She glared daggers at him.

Obi Wan looked at her more thoughtfully, he move to sit down right in front of her. This is when Rey noticed her was the only remaining and that Anakin had disappeared, she hadn’t even noticed.

“Master Yoda had explained that this bond works best with transparency and honesty. You and Ben are in harmony when you’re open and honest with each other. It seems that Ben is quite reluctant to let you into his past. The Force is nudging him to be more forthcoming but he’s fighting it. The more he fights it, safe to say the Force will continue to do the showing in his behalf. I’ve never seen the Force behave like this, it really is interesting. Usually the force is vague but poignant but no, not in this situation,” he stared off, small smile tugging at his lips.

Rey nodded, the throbbing in her head only let her absorb half of the things the Jedi master explained.

“Why the headache?” she whined, placing bother her hands to her temples

“Unnatural, the bond isn’t supposed to be blocked. It’s supposed to be open and flowing between the both of you. I’m certain you’re not the only suffering this headache, he’s going through it with you,” he smirked.

She really wanted to find Ben and ask him really nicely to put down the wall. She was sure that she wouldn’t be able to find him tonight, not with this pounding headache she’s nursing courtesy of him. Kriff, she really just wanted to lay on her bed in her hut and try to sleep it off.

“You need to get back to your hut. Hopefully by tomorrow Ben will be more willing to cooperate,” Kenobi said, rising to his feet.  
“Have you met him?” she grumbled as she slowly prepared herself to rise.

If there’s anything she knew for sure about Ben Solo was that he knew how to _sulk._

* * *

Authors Note: Thanks for the support you guys show for this story it really means a lot! We reached 100 kudos and you guys are amazing! This is a shorter chapter but next week it should be longer with Ben since this chapter was mostly about Rey reacting. 

 


	8. Thinking Out Loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walls come down...
> 
> Rey needs a minute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this soft chapter...cause it's going to get ugly next chapter.

BANG

BANG

BANG

He jerked awake rising from the pilot chair he had fallen asleep on and instinctively reached for his lightsaber on the right side of his waist, he unclipped it then hesitated to activate it when he sighed in defeat when he realized who had woken him from his sleep.

He groaned as the throbbing of his headache came back in full force to the point where the light that was streaming in was making the pain worst. He cradled his head and very slowly made his way to the ships mainframe to release the ramp for Rey to enter his transport.

There was a hiss and groan from the ramp as it descended towards. Ben didn’t want to deal with Rey right now but this was a small island and there were so many places where he could hide without her finding him quite easily. He groaned as he massaged his temples, eyes closed hoping it would release some of the tension he sat down on the chair he had fallen asleep on.

“It doesn’t get better.”

Ben didn’t hear her enter the ship but he knew exactly how she looked if he were to glance at her right now.

“You know you can stop this horrid headache if you please, open up the bond,” she pleaded

Ben slowly raised his head, straightening out his posture and addressed his waker. Her face was pinched, she squinted as she kept her distance she didn’t seem to notice that she kept rubbing her temple. She was clearly as much pain and discomfort that he had, he tried to ignore the stab of guilt he felt in his stomach.

“No,” he knew he might’ve been causing her physical discomfort but he wasn’t ready to give so much of himself nor have the decision be made for him.

Rey took a step towards him closing her eyes for a few moments, her eyebrows frowning.

“Look Ben, I get why you’re doing this, I really do, but don’t you think there’s better…less painful ways of dealing with this?” she asked, eyebrows crinkled as she struggled to focus through the throbbing in her head.

This conversation was making his own head throb alongside with the side effect of closing the bond. He really didn’t think there would be side effects to his decision but maybe there was another way? Rey looked like she might’ve come up with a plan

“I take it you have an idea as to how to handle this?” he pinched the bridge of his nose as he watched Rey nod.

“The Masters have emphasized that the bond works best when you and I are honest with each other and open up and all…”—she takes a deep breath—“what if you just tell me little things about yourself that I wouldn’t know. That way the force cant interfere and when you decide, you can share bigger things with me. It’ll be your choice as to what you share and maybe that way the force won’t interfere?” she finished, watching him carefully her brow raised questioningly.

It was a good idea in theory. If the force needed them to be in harmony and be equals he could start small. He could tell Rey some things…maybe not the heavy stuff right away and maybe this could even out the playing field. He chewed on his lower lip thoughtfully while still massaging his temples.

“I’ll start! I can tell you my favorite color! Now that I’ve left Jakku and seen more colors and been in different planets I can finally say I have a favorite color,” volunteered Rey, her gaze on him.

Ben raised his brow curiously

“Green,” she announced, there was a pink flush around her cheeks as she looked away from him.

“Good color,” it made sense that she would find that color appealing. She came from a desert planet that didn’t have a lot of a landscape.

He didn’t really have a favorite color to offer. He liked a wide variety of color for different reasons. Black, red, blue and yes, green as well, it reminded him of the rolling hills of his home planet of Chandrila.

“ I don’t have a favorite color. I like a lot of colors for different reasons.” he shrugged

She nodded in understanding, “So? will you please lower down your defenses with the bond?” she asked, tone pleading.

Ben considered her, she was clearly trying to compromise and was even to come up with an alternative plan. Ben didn’t want to get too ahead of himself in hoping that she wanted to get to know him, intimately, but just wanted her headache to cease. He took a deep breath and considered his options. He wasn’t particularly happy to deal with the headache, it hurt really bad and the light sensitivity would probably force him to stay in the shadows. No, there was no more hiding, he was going to stand up for himself and accept Rey’s proposition. It couldn’t hurt to try.

He closed his eyes reached out to the wall he had implanted on the bond and with an immense amount of effort he managed to tear the wall down.

The relief was almost immediate.

The throbbing was gone and immediately he was able to sense her more intimately. The most prominent feeling was the one of relief and hope that flowed easily between them. He looked up at her; she was wearing a bright smile, her dimples flashing at him happily.

“Oh, this feels nice. Please don’t do that again,” she asked as she walked closer to him her face looking a lot more relaxed

“I cant promise anything but I’ll give your idea a shot,” he admitted, stretching out his legs before him.

Rey nodded, eyes thoughtful “you should probably share something about yourself so we can be even,” she suggested

Ben looked at her curiously. What could he share that will give her insight to himself that didn’t reveal too much or opened up other topics of discussion that could quickly go south…

“R2 D2 is the most foul mouthed droid I’ve ever met, he’s a downright menace,” he volunteered, he knew that technically this wasn’t a fact about himself but she knew of the droid so she could probably identify with this small anecdote.

Rey giggled which in turn made Ben smirk.

Rey peeled herself off from the wall she was leaning at and looked to the ramp of the ship and then looked back at him.

“I’m going back to the hut to clean up. Haven’t been there since yesterday!” she explained turning her body towards the ramp.

This piece of information made Ben frown, “Where did you sleep?”

“I uhh…up in the Jedi temple. I didn’t have it in me to walk back to the hut with that headache,” she answered carefully, looking away.

The pang of guilt came back

“Rey? Can we meet in the huts at noon? I definitely owe you a meal,” he offered. He knew that Rey wouldn’t hold a grudge for his behavior but the guilt was making him really uneasy.

“Seriously? You can cook?” she asked, looking curious and surprised

Ben smirked, “I know a few things but I will say it’ll have to contain fish since that really is all this island can provide,” he clarified.

Rey nodded, “Okay! I’ll see you at noon,” she gave him a small smile and walked down the ramp leading back to the island.

* * *

 

Rey knew she shouldn’t be doing this, she knew she shouldn’t…

_But…_

She didn’t know if this qualified as ‘abusing’ the connection she shared with Ben but she was so curious to see what he was making for lunch. The intrigue was too much and she couldn’t resist taking a peek. She knew she didn’t have to wait for too long since it was almost time to meet up with him by the clearing at the huts which she had avoided to not blatantly peek but she just wanted to see what he was doing…

She felt his force signature getting closer as she got closer to shore. She looked around and realized she was near the caretakers lodgings. She couldn’t see him or anyone for that matter, this was odd since Ben was such a tall figure she thought it would be easier to spot him. She walked towards the shade of a nearby tree and knelt one hand planted on the hearth as she closed her eyes trying to locate his force signature. She didn’t dare to reach the bond since what happened the day prior.

She felt him nearby so he was definitely within proximity, curious. She looked up at the tree that was shading her and scrutinized how tall it was she grabbed one of the lower branches and tugged it testing its strength. She jumped up reaching the lower branches and heaved herself up using her upper body strength her feet finding it’s footing as she climbed the tree a little more until she was high enough. Once she reached about mid way of the tree she sat down on a thick branch, her legs dangling.

She looked around now in this higher display of the island, and still nothing. She frowned, nibbling on her lower lip thoughtfully. This was her first time tracking someone by using their force signature and she was pretty sure she could identify Bens’ signature anywhere and anytime so the fact that she couldn’t see him made her slightly worry. Surely if something had happened she would’ve felt it, right?

She looked in front of her at the vast ocean with soft waves splashing the rocky shore. Today was probably one of the nicest days she’s seen here on the island since she first visited where there was only plenty of rain. She inhaled the smell of the ocean breeze, the warmth of the sun and the scent of the tree she was sitting on. She wanted to commit it to memory, this island has quickly become a sort of sanctuary for her since she first arrived here in search of Luke. Now she was here with Ben and working towards understanding their bond, she definitely understood it tons better but didn’t really understand why it was targeting Ben. Surely she had her own secrets of her own that maybe she could share with Ben? She dug into her own memories as far back as she could recall, the only thing she could think of was the difficult times she endured while on Jakku.

Ben already knew her deep secret. The fact that she had buried deeply the fact that she was abandoned by her parents who were now dead somewhere in the Jakku desert. Rey still didn’t know how long he’s known, did he find out the only time he invaded her mind? Was it something that was shown to him when they first touched hands in this very same island? No, definitely not the last one, he was firm in telling her that he saw her joining him…

If Ben had known this since back in Starkiller Base she wondered why is it that he didn’t tell her right away? That definitely would’ve shattered any defenses she had up at that time and he would’ve been able to take whatever he wanted, including the location of Luke and maybe even her…yet he didn’t. No matter how many things he’s heard of Ben and from him she still considered him to be an enigma. She definitely was aware that he had an incredible difficult childhood. Especially with him being so strong with the force, being incredibly sensitive, and his parents not always being…sensible when it came to regards their own gifted child.

She looked up towards the bright blue sky noting how there wasn’t any threatening dark clouds within the horizon. She thought this to be a good omen for an excellent day they were going to have. Heavens know they’ve had a few difficult days and Rey knew they probably were to have plenty more in the near future. She sighed heavily at the idea of Ben interacting with the force ghosts again. She understood the bitterness he held for Anakin and Luke she caught on pretty quickly that he still held resentment towards them. He seemed to be getting along better with Anakin before his argument with him yesterday. She didn’t catch the whole of their conversation but it appears that Ben had tried to reach out to Anakin and was now suspicious as to why now he was willing to help him and not when he was under the heavy influence of Snoke. Rey didn’t understand the logistics of when and where the force ghost could appear to others so to Rey Ben’s question was valid. What she didn’t understand was why Ben was so snarky about Master Kenobi. Ben didn’t tell her why he was so passive aggressive towards him. He had teased that he wasn’t related to Master Yoda but didn’t say if he was related to Master Kenobi, maybe he is? Kriff, how many family names did he have? There was Solo, Skywalker and she assumed Organa as well? Was Kenobi another one on the list? She figured she could always ask him.

There was a movement that caught he peripheral vision and flicked her gaze towards the tall figure walking up from the shore…

He was toweling his hair with a black towel as he climbed up the small hill towards the tree where she was currently sitting at blatantly staring at this version of Ben she’s never seen.

She had seen him shirtless in one of their force vision but that was nothing in comparison.

He was very long, with strong legs by the look of them. He was wearing tight black pants the material resembled rubber and it hugged his hips in a flattering matter that exposed the full length of his torso. He had a trail of fine hair that stopped at his naval and around that area she could see plenty of different scars that he had. She could clearly see the jagged round scar where Chewbacca had shot him her gaze flickered upwards looking for the scars she gave him, the one on his right shoulder where she could see his shoulder muscles flex as he moved his body to dry himself.

She watched him towel himself dry and the only thing she could think was how attractive he was. His alabaster skin sparkled with drops of the ocean and glinted with the touch of the sun. His face was relaxed as he looked for a patch of grass to sit down. Rey followed him with her gaze as he placed his towel down next to him as he pushed back his raven hair away from his face the ends of his hair curling slightly around his forehead and neck.

Rey felt her heart rate accelerate as Ben spread out his body on the grass looking completely relaxed, his regal profile and his pouty lips were going to be the end of her…

_He was so painfully handsome_

_He was gorgeous_

_She wanted him_ …

That last thought completely startled her, she felt her face redden and squeezed her legs together to ease the tension that was forming down there…

He had his eyes closed and a slight smirk playing around his luscious lips…

Rey closed her eyes and forced here to relax. The effect that he had over her was surprising her it was as if her own body was responding to just seeing his she wanted nothing more but to touch him and help him change into dryer clothes…

Rey shook her heard firmly,

Kriff! Get it together !!! She will not be controlled by her raging hormones!

**“Rey, can you not think so loudly?”**

Rey stilled as she realized that Ben was speaking to her through the bond. She opened her eyes to see Ben standing up, a wide smile on his face as he picked up his towel from the ground. He looked up where she was sitting and raised a teasing eyebrow, smirk still in place.

“See you in an hour,” he chuckled at her startled expression and walked away from her.

  
Oh crap…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT FOR THIS LITTLE STORY! PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT AND LMK WATCHU THINK!


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